Heading into Christmas, there are a lot of teams heading in completely different directions. Some are going up and passing with flying colors, others are free-falling and about to flunk out:

A – The Celtics Run for History - The Boston Celtics are currently sitting at 25-2, thier only two losses coming to the Indiana Pacers and Denver Nuggets. The Celtics are chasing history, trying to post the best season in NBA history. The current record is 72-10 by Michael Jordan and company of the ’95-’96 Chicago Bulls. Staying to their current pace, they could finish at either 75-7 or possible 76-6, but there is a lot of basketball to finish. When they started the season 2-0, they were on pace to finish a perfect 82-0…

Chris Paul has picked a lot of pockets lately.

B - The Jazz’s Amazing Comeback - This past week against the New Jersey Nets, the Utah Jazz start just a little sluggish. At the end of the 1st quarter, the Jazz were down 27-7 and were shooting just a shade over 15% from the field. Nets point guard Devin Harris was running circles around Deron Williams and the Jazz. When the second quarter started, the game changed in favor of the Jazz, they outscored the Nets 96-65. If only the Jazz could have played that good for four quarters, and the Nets would have stunk in that same duration, that would have been a rout.

C – Chris Paul’s Steal Record - Chris Paul broke the NBA record for most consecutive games with a steal against the San Anotnio Spirs, Paul is now at 106 and counting. It’s gotten to the point that we have stats for everything, I wonder who has the most consecutive games with a rebound, or a 3-point basket, or the most cups of Gatorade drinken during a game. No, I don’t care, because all these records and streaks are trivial. The real record Chris Paul should be chasing is all-time assists, currently held by John Stockton. Chris Paul is still 16 years and about 3,000 steals away from that record.

D – The Thunder’s Run for History - While the Boston Celtics are attempting to reach greatness, the Oklahoma City Thunder are attempting to prevent their names from being mentioned as the worst team in NBA history. The title is currently held by the ’72-’73 Philadelphia 76ers, with a record of 9-73. Oklahoma City is currently a thundering 3-24. If the Thunder do run the crap tables and break the record, they could have a dinner party with the Detroit Lions and share war stories like old Vets. Instead of popping champaign, they will be drinking Diet Cokes and sparkling cider.

F – Carlos Boozer’s Ego – Carlos Boozer is in the last year of his contract with the Jazz, and he has a player option for next year. As expected, Boozer announced that he will not pick up his player option and will test free agency. After making his proclamation, Boozer had enough nerve to say, “I deserve a raise.” This is coming from Carlos Boozer, one in the same that has missed over 1/3 of his games with the Jazz because of injury and was non-existent in last year’s Playoffs. Boozer has not made a lot of fans in Utah lately, most of them hope the door hits him in the butt on his way out, and injures him for all of next year.

With no further delays, here is the fourth report card of the season with the usual props and slams which are both well deserved:

Jerry Sloan has never been one to withhold emotion.

A – Jerry Sloan’s Resilience - Utah Jazz head coach Jerry Sloan is the longest tenured coach in professional sports, he has now been the coach of the Jazz for 20 years. In that time, Sloan has coached over 1,600 wins and amassed well over 1,000 wins. He has lead the Jazz to two appearances in the NBA Finals with Karl Malone, John Stockton, and his short shorts. Sloan also lead the Jazz to 16 straight winning seasons, 18 playoff appearances and is currently 4th in all-time wins in NBA history. All while doing this, Sloan has not once won Coach of the Year honors, nor has he has asked for praise once. Sloan is fine being the one in the background, he doesn’t demand attention, but he does demand respect. Although under-appreciated, Sloan is leaving his mark on the Jazz and the NBA. Nobody coaches, nor cusses, quite like Jerry, congratulations!   

B – Cuttino Mobley’s Career – Before joining the New York Knicks, Cuttino Mobley had to take a physical, like every other player traded to a new team. In the physical, doctors found that Mobely’s genetic heart disease (hypertrophic cardiomyopathy) was getting progressively worse and might endanger his life. Choosing his responsibility to family and living a more full life, Mobley decided to forgo his NBA career and retire. Mobley had a solid NBA career and was a dependable starter and bench player for the Houston Rockets, Orlando Magic, Sacramento Kings, and Los Angeles Clippers. In his 10-year NBA career, Mobley averaged 13.7 points and 2.6 rebounds. If there is a Mediocre Hall of Fame, Mobley might get in on the first ballot, but as it stands he was consistent. 

C – GMs Firing Coaches - The Philadelphia 76ers and Minnesota Timberwolves each dismissed their head coach s last week. Maurice Cheeks and Randy Wittman became the 4th and 5th coaches to be fired this year. At some point you have to question the general managers that assemble the teams, the coaches can only work with what they are given. Few coaches can work with losers. If Larry Brown, the supposed Godfather of coaching, couldn’t win in New York and is not winning in Charlotte, then maybe there is more to winning than the head coach. Think back to ’06 when the Boston Celtics were horrible. Their team was full of underachievers and head coach Doc Rivers was always speculated to be on thin ice with the Celtics. They decided to keep him and brought in Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett the next year. With the new additions we all know that The Celtics won the NBA Title and now Doc Rivers is an “awesome’ coach. 

Could Steve Kerr be purposely sabotaging the Suns?

D – The Jazz Surrendering Their Dominance - In 41 games last year, the Utah Jazz were 37-4 at home, the best home court record in the NBA. We are 25 games into the ’08-’09 campaign and the Jazz have already dropped four games at Energy Solutions Arena. The Jazz have been bit by the injury bug in a big way this year, but they have simply not shown their usual tenacity that we are used to seeing. After taking a 10 point lead into halftime on Saturday against the Orlando Magic, the Jazz were outscored 32-14 in the 3rd quarter and the rest was history. What looked like a promising year for the Jazz is turning sour real quick, as it stands they would be a 7th seed in the Playoffs, definitely not where they envisioned themselves when the season started. 

F – Steve Kerr’s Dismantling of the Suns - The Phoenix Suns were within reach of the NBA FInals for two years in a row. Mike D’Antoni’s run n’ gun offense was firing on all cylinders and it didn’t matter that the only person that knew how to play defense was Raja Bell. Raja was a tough, lock-down defender, he even clotheslined Kobe Bryant in the ’06 Playoffs. Things started going south for the Suns in 2007 when Steve Kerr assumed the General Manager position and started by trading Shawn Marion for Shaquille O’Neal. They traded a key piece of their offense for an old Shaq that has a 6″ vertical now. The Suns instantaneously transformed into a different team. Kerr shook things up even more this week when he traded away Raja and Boris Diaw. Something tells me Kerr might not win GM of the year…and that he sucked at Monopoly as a kid. He probably traded Boardwalk for Baltic Avenue in a heartbeat every time.

Oh, and one more thing, Happy Birthday Mom!

We are almost a quarter way through the season and it is being patterned somewhat after this year’s NFL season. A couple good teams and a whole bunch of mediocre ones. It seems a little too early to make any playoff predictions, but definitely not too early to give out another report card:

Howard has been a hero to a franchise in dire need of one.

A – Dwight Howard’s Candy Room - Some people wonder what makes Orlando Magic superstar in training Dwight Howard tick. Howard won the 2008 NBA Slam Dunk Contest last year with a dunk that included a Superman cape. Howard has been a force to be reckoned with early in his career with the Magic, he has averaged a double-double the last two years. In a ESPN radio interview with Colin Cowherd, Howard revealed what might be his secret to success, Honey Buns! Howard explained how he has his own candy room and loves to down a couple Honey Buns before games. Little Debbie is chomping at the bit to get Howard on their Honey Buns boxes, “Want to dunk like a champion? Throw down a Honey Bun!”

B -The Celtics, Cavs, and Lakers – There are always those kids that get straight “A’s” and annoy the crap out of everybody else because they are so good. The Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, and Los Angeles Lakers are those smarty pants, four-eyed geeks. The only reason why we are giving them a “B” is because we are sick of giving the “A’s.”  You ever see the face of a straight A student when they get their first B? Try deer in headlights, or Shaq at free throw line.

C – Cleveland Cavaliers’ Bobbleheads - With all the talks of LeBron James bolting Cleveland to go to New York, the Cleveland Cavaliers are doing everything in their power to convince him to stay. Their latest ploy was a ceremony to commemorate him winning anOlympic gold medal. As part of the party, the Cavaliers gave away LeBron James bobbleheads, 23 of which were gold. Bobbleheads are kind of a thing of yesteryear, they might as well have given everyone LeBron James Tamagotchis. As part of the disclaimers to those who win the gold bobbleheads, the retail value of them is listed as $15. Something is telling me those things aren’t real gold, I think Mike Tyson needs to bite the ears on all of them to make sure.

Billups has been just what the Nuggets need, a pass first point guard.

D – The Detroit Pistons With Allen Iverson - Allen Iverson is having about the same effect on the Detroit Pistons that he did on the Denver Nuggets, which is not much. In this year’s biggest trade, Iverson was swapped for Chauncey Billups. While the Nuggets are playing much better, the Pistons are struggling with a record of 8-7 since acquiring Iverson. Some might argue that the problem runs deeper then Iverson, some of the blame may go on first year head coach Michael Curry. The Pistons position they are in right now may play into their favor. The Pistons have historically played better as underdogs and choked when they were supposed to win. If the Pistons start winning a little too much, they might want to lose a few for their “underdog” title to catch up to them. 

F – Toronto Firing Head Coach Sam Mitchell - Sam Mitchell became the third NBA head coach to be fired this year, and with no good reason. Two seasons removed from being named the NBA Coach of the Year, Mitchell is without a job. With the Toronto Raptors sitting 8-9 at the time of Mitchell’s firing, you have to question the owner’s motives in firing him. Raptors owner Bryan Colangelo said that expectations were high, and Mitchell was obviously not meeting them. Colangelo is right, why wouldn’t expectations be high? They traded for a injury-prone Jermaine O’Neal, who has only clogged the middle and prevented Chris Bosh from being as good as he has been. Oh, and how could we have forgotten?? The Raptors have all-powerful black uniforms this year!! Black is the new “you better be intimidated, look what we’re wearing” color.

With college football coming to an end, it’s time to say goodbye to Sunday Headlines until next fall. Stay tuned for the JIB Sports Bowls Preview: Parts I and II in the upcoming weeks. Since every other sports website has it’s rumors, JIB Sports will start to compile whisperings we hear around the world of sports. Don’t ask for sources, just know that we heard it somewhere at sometime from something or someone.

Detroit fans voice their displeasure through large cardboard number cutouts.

Detroit Lions to Become Expansion Franchise 

Talks are alive between the National Football League and the National Women’s Football Association for the Detroit Lions (0-11 this season) to be the NWFA’s newest expansion franchise. The only holdup in talks is if the Lions would have to relocate and what the NFL would get as collateral. Michigan is already the home of the West Michigan Mayhem, so the Lions in Detroit would raise a conflict in interest.

 Plaxico Burress Skips a Chapter

Shirley Grabowski, a librarian that works for New York Public Libraries, claims that she put a book back on the shelf that was checked out and returned last month by New York Giantswide receiver Plaxico Burress. The title of the book was “Handguns for Dummies.” Burress left a $100 bill marking his spot, the unread chapters included: “The Importance of Using Your Safety Lock,” and “How to Avoid Shooting Yourself.”

Carlos Boozer is injured again this year, looks to be out at least another week.

NBA Might Create New League Awards

For years the NBA has had it’s All-Defensive Team, 1st All-Team and 2nd All-Team awards to recognize outstanding players. David Stern is rumored to be in the process of creating a new team, the All-Injured Team. This year’s front runners so far are Carlos Boozer, Tracy McGrady, Gilbert Arenas, and possibly Shaq’s big toe by year’s end. 

Lakers Opt to Thrown in Towel

The Los Angeles Lakers  have won 14 games this year and lost two, both of those losses came on last second shots by their opponent. Buzzer beaters are the worst kind of loss, it is almost better to lose by 10+ than lose like the Lakers did to the Indiana Pacers on a last second tip-in. News has leaked that the Lakers are just going to lie down on the court if they find themselves down a basket with under a minute to play. Now when head coach Phil Jackson says, “they didn’t win the game, we gave it to him,” we will know it’s true.

In the NBA’s second report card of the year, we’ve got people not getting along, others losing their tempers, and teams that are both excelling and struggling. Here are the marks for this past week:

Charles Barkley has brought good insight and some comic relief to the NBA on TNT.

A – Charles Barkley’s Comments on LeBron James - Since Sir Charles Barkley retired and joined the commentating crew for Turner Sports, he has been one of the better commentators and funniest. His thoughts and opinions are often not far from the truth, unlike sensationalist Stephen A. Smith for ESPN. Last week Barkley stirred the LeBron James 2010 free agency signing with the New York Knicks talks with some sharp comments. Barkley said that LeBron needs to “shut the hell up.” LeBron has gone as far as to say that with so many all-stars’ contracts expiring, the first day of free agency in 2010 will be one of the biggest days in the NBA’s recent history. Barkley also said that LeBron talking about what he’s going to do in two years is “disrespectful to the game . . . and the Cavaliers.” Barkley knows all about disrespect, in 1997 he threw a bar patron through a window for throwing a cup of ice at him.

B – Trailblazers Getting More Mature, Better – The Portland Trailblazers have been one of those teams that took a big chance a few years ago and started from scratch.  From trading away their veterans for draft picks and signing less-expensive free agents with potential, the Blazers have assembled a strong team. Recent draft picks Brandon Roy, LaMarcus Aldridge, and Greg Oden all have signs of greatness and it was said that the Blazers would get better as those three players do. It is yet to be seen how many fans in Washington will jump on the Blazers bandwagon or stay loyal to no team. Sports fans in Seattle have it tough now, no NBA team and the Mariners, Huskies, and Seahawks are awful, they might as well jump on.

C – The Suns’ Tempo - The Phoenix Suns had a window of opportunity to win a championship, it was wide open in ’05 and ’06, started closing in ’07, and is barely cracked this year. New Suns head coach Terry Porter has come in and changed the tempo of the Phoenix Suns from the run n’ gun style under Mike D’Antoni. Under D’Antoni, the Suns almost always scored over 100, but the further away the got from magic #100, the more likely they were to lose. New head coach Terry Porter has emphasized defense but so far this season, the Suns have a better record in high-scoring games. If you think about it that hard you’ll go crazy, it doesn’t make much sense. Shaquille O’Neal not being able to shoot better from the free-throw line after 15+ years in the NBA is equally as flabbergasting. 

Kenyon Martin has been the center of the Nuggets implosive instincts more often than not.

D - Denver Still Kings of Implosion - If you look up “implosion” in an English dictionary it will read, “a process in which objects are destroyed by collapsing on themselves.” If you look up the same word in a NBA dictionary there will be a picture of the Denver Nuggets. The Nuggets are very much a team that plays on emotion, things have not changed with Allen Iverson gone. While Denver is still playing much better than expected so far this season, they have also showed signs of their troubled past. So many times in the past few years, the Nuggets have been in close games and just lost their composure. In most games they would overreact to a bad call and get a couple of technical fouls. In a big game against the New Orleans Hornets on Thanksgiving, the Nuggets were in position to win. WIth under 2 minutes left they were up by 3, they then gave up two straight three-point jumpers and Kenyon Martin got a technical foul. As opposed to only being down three, they found themselves down four and were never able to catch up. 

F – LeBron James’ Comments on Charles Barkley - In light of Charles Barkley’s comments mentioned above, here is what LeBron James had to say, “He’s stupid. That’s all I’ve got to say about that.” Too bad Barkley wasn’t there to say, “ooh, good comeback.” Then I’m sure they would have started arguing over who’s dad has a better job in classic elementary school fashion. While the media has been the main perpetrator of all the rumors, LeBron has done nothing to dispel them.

With the NBA season underway and football soon coming to an end, JIB Sports will have a new weekly column every Monday. The NBA Monday Morning Report Card will recap five events from the previous week’s action with grades of A- F. Don’t be surprised to find yourself sucked into this weekly column and anticipating it every week. Monday night may be for Monday Night Football, but Monday morning is for NBA Monday Morning Report Card.

Celtics Ray Allen has stayed healthy and kept the "Big 3" in tact so far this season.

A – Lakers and Celtics Still on Top – Just like ‘A’ students in school, there isn’t too much to say about them. They are good, we know they are good, they know they are good. The ‘A’ students here are last year Finals participants, the Los Angeles Lakers and the Boston Celtics. Although there have been some worthy contenders prove themselves early, the Lakers and Celtics have also shown they will not be pushovers. They are a combined 23-3 to start the year. The only thing that is going to stop them is injuries, which the Lakers have been more prone to. In other words, teams better start hoping the Lakers and Celtics get worse, because you can’t get much better than how they are playing now. 

B - The Rebound of Dwayne Wade - After a season ending injury in 2006 that lingered into 2007, Dwayne Wade became a name of yesteryear. Many people thought that his best days were already behind him and might have a career shadowing the injury plagued Grant Hill. D-Wade worked hard to prove Team USA basketball coaches he was ready for Olympics and had an impressive showing. His extremely unexpected play has carried over into this year’s regular season. Although the Miami Heat are only 7-6, D-Wade is having a banner year and showing rookie Michael Beasly the ropes. The Heat are still taking a back seat to other teams such as the Boston Celtics, Detroit Pistons, Toronto Raptors, Cleveland Cavaliers, Atlants Hawks, and Orlando Magic in the Eastern Conference that are having better starts.

The Utah Jazz haven't won in San Antonio since Stockton and Malone played.

C  -The Knicks Get Different, Not Better- New team President Donnie Walsh was making deals this week with his players as if they were trading cards. After all the dust settled, Jamal Crawford, Zach Randolph, and Mardy Collins were shipped out and the New York Knicks welcomed Tim Thomas, Al Harringtonand Cuttino Mobley. At the end of the day it’s not about being better now, the Knicks made this move to be better later. The Knicks cleared over $27 million in cap space with the trades and got rid of two bad contracts. Word on the street is the the Knicks are trying to clear cap space to lure LeBron Jamesin 2010. LeBron has not liked Cleveland because his supporting cast was always lacking. As it stands, the Knicks just shipped away a pretty decent supporting cast and picked up three players that can sign elsewhere in 2010. 

D - The Utah Jazz’s Pathetic Performance in San Antonio - San Antonio is the Bermuda Triangle for the Utah Jazz. The Jazz disappear for a day only to reappear with another loss. The Utah Jazz are historically a bad road team and dominant home team.  Last year the Jazz were the only team to win their division and have a losing record on the road. With their loss last week, the Jazz dropped their 22nd straight game in San Antonio, the last time they beat the Spurs there it was in the Alamodome. That was way back in 1999 when the Spurs had pink accents on their court and “Stockton to Malone” was still uttered over the airwaves. The Jazz rebounded the next night with a road win over the Memphis Grizzlies. The Grizzlies have just been one of those “rebound” teams.

F – The Team Formerly Known as the Seattle Supersonics – The Oklahoma City Thunder fired their head coach P.J. Carlesimo this week, but that is hardly going to help stop the bleeding. We need to remember that the Thunder are not an expansion franchise, they did not start from scratch, they are the Supersonics. The Thunder have a lot of talent, but as new interim head coach Scott Brooks said, “It’s a challenge to get our guys motivated to play every night.” I have an idea to get them motivated to play, make their salary performance based. All of those players are employees of the NBA and the Thunder organization, right? Just like about every other employee out there in the business sector, these players need to be paid and given bonuses based on performance and effort. If that were the case all of the Thunder players would be broke this year. I bet the Minnesota Timberwolves aren’t feeling too hot being the victim of the Thunder’s only victory.

We need to remember it really was Ben Wallace that started the Palace Brawl by overreacting to a foul.

There is a fine line between being competitive and a “poor sport.” From an early age I learned this, it began with intense games of “Hungry Hungry Hippos” and “Candy Land,” and then it spilled over into recreational sports I participated in as I grew older. After every game, as a team, we would do a cheer for the other team and then go shake their hands. If that didn’t teach us sportsmanship, it at least taught us to pretend like we were good sports.

Commissioner David Stern has got quite the dilemma facing him in the NBA right now, most of his players fall into the “poor sport” category. If it is fans he is seeking, he is losing quite a few with the delinquency and childishness displayed by many of his players. I promise that people can find better ways to spend their time than watching crybaby millionaires get up in each others “grill” and throw sissy punches. Proof of that theory is evidenced by the low ratings that the NHL gets. One thing that has gone missing from the NBA is the customary exchange of hand shakes (or chest bumps) between players and coaches. You see it in football when coaches meet at midfield, you even see it in college basketball when coaches meet a half-court, but you won’t see it in the NBA. Why? Ron Artest, the Founding Father of Brawls, was nowhere to be seen last week when the Phoenix Suns and Houston Rockets got into a little spat. Suns forward Matt Barnes threw an elbow into the chops of Rocket Rafer Alston. From there, Suns point guard Steve Nash came in and threw an elbow of his own only for Rocket Tracy McGrady to push him to the ground. All in all, a pathetic display of sportsmanship and an embarrassment. This was just one of many incidents already this year, Kevin Garnett centering around a couple of others. With what NBA players are getting away with, it is making the NFL look like a civil sport. Maybe the players just can’t handle sportsmanship and need to be taught like small children. Here’s a proposition, every time a hard foul or flagrant foul occurs, both parties need to hug and say, “I’m sorry.” It works for kids…

A portion of sportsmanship comes down to us all as fans of sports. Obtaining knowledge of the rules and procedures of our favorite sports can make us look less foolish. Take for example, your favorite football team is called for a pass interference foul, what do you do? Do you accept the call for what it was, or do you “boo?” I frequently sit by spectators who think their team can do no wrong, that every foul called against them is “absurd,” and “ridiculous.” We all have a responsibility as fans of sports to know the ins and outs of the sports we watch. I remember attending a college football game where a running back was stripped of the ball. After watching the replay on the big scoreboard, a lady screamed in disgust, “That’s illegal!! He stripped the ball from our player!! He can’t do that!!” I hung my head in shame for such a comment, that is a perfect example of stupid sportsmanship. While players, coaches, and officials are held to comply with sportsmanship guidelines, so should we as fans.

Whenever people compile their favorite sports movies you are almost certain to hear “Rudy,” “Hoosiers,” “Field of Dreams,” “Remember the Titans,” and even “Major League.” Rightfully so, those are all good movies, but there are so many other good movies that aren’t mentioned. Maybe it’s because we only classify movies about basketball, football, and baseball as “sports movies.” The “Rocky” movies are in a league of their own, and are replayed about every weekend on either TNT or TBS if you are interested. Without further ado, here are the top five sports movies (not in rank) that get no respect: 

1. The Sandlot (1993)

The boys in "The Sandlot" were not by any means the most athletic of in shape.

The film begins with Scotty Smalls moving into a new neighborhood and meeting a bunch of new friends while playing baseball everyday at the “Sandlot,” (a run down baseball field). This movie follows the stories of these 10-12 year old boys that summer, centering on the mysterious dog that lives over the left field fence. Any ball that goes into his territory is good as gone. The movie climaxes when they hit a baseball signed by Babe Ruth over the left field fence. The ball was owned by Scotty’s father, and Scotty had no idea who Babe Ruth was, he thought it was a girl who had signed the ball. Now the boys are forced to retrieve the ball, and try to get it back using various methods. The psycho mutated dog (which ends up being a figment of their imaginations), turns out to be a lovable pooch and ends up being their mascot during games. The most notable line you might have heard from this movie was in reference to how bad Scotty is at baseball when he starts playing with the boys, “You’re killing me Smalls!”

2. Forget Paris (1995)

If there ever was a sports chick flick, this is it. Billy Crystal stars as Mickey Gordon, an NBA referee who’s father has just died. His father wished to be buried in Paris so Mickey flies there with his father’s body which is lost on it’s way their. Mickey ends up waiting for days and falling in love with the airport attendant that helps him find his father’s body. This love story is up and down, which affects Mickey’s performance as a referee. During one of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar‘s final games, Mickey ends up ejecting both rosters from the Lakers and Pistons, a trainer, head coach, and the guy who puts cheese on the nachos. One of the truly classic parts is when Mickey is driving his father-in-law to the doctor. Since they have nothing to talk about, his father-in-law starts naming stores they pass. Can’t say I haven’t been there…”You asked for it, you got it. Toyota!”

 3. Little Giants (1994)

The little Giants practice for their assumed beat down.

This may perhaps be the best peewee football movie ever, probably the only one ever at that. When Becky O’Shea is cut by her uncle from the local peewee football team, she decides to start her own team. Since league rules sanction only one team per city, they decide to have a playoff between the two teams to see who will represent the city. There is nothing more classic and cliche than the team of rejects and nerds being victorious over the jocks that are obviously inferior. This wouldn’t be a great movie without a twist in the plot that could change the movie. The twist here is when Becky falls in love with the starting quarterback and thinks that he will like her if she becomes a cheerleader instead. Oh no! Now the dorks chances of winning are cut in half. What will happen? We all know what will happen, but wouldn’t it be cool one of these times if a movie didn’t end the happy way we think it will? Oh yeah, that movie would have been “The Perfect Storm,” I think they killed everyone.

4. Cool Runnings (1993)

In what I’m sure is a very dramatized true story, a bunch of Jamaicans fall short of making it to the Summer Olympic Games, so they settle to try and make it to the ’88 Winter Olympics Games. The sport that is going to take them there is bobsledding, and their coach is a retired cheater in the sport from the United States. While this movie goes above and beyond in making clever jokes not based on the bobsledders Jamaican accents, it at times can be a very inspirational movie. After watching this movie, I wished I could either be in the Olympics or be Jamaican. My mom convinced me neither was possible, so here I am as a sports writer. 

 5. The Karate Kid (1986)

Not many know karate, but we all know this kick!

Yes, karate is a sport, and Mr. Myiagi is a manipulative slave driver in the name of it. Everybody knows about “wax on, wax off,” and the famous kick the Daniel Larusso uses to win at the end of the movie, but I feel we just don’t respect this movie as a sports movie. Here are a couple things to watch for the next time you see this movie that will make it a little more memorable. Firstly, watch the part where Mr. Miyagi and Daniel are catching flies with chop sticks very carefully. Several times during the scene you can see the glare off of the string that the fly is attached to. Their fly catching is fraudulent. Secondly, watch how Daniel kisses his main squeeze Ali Mills at the sports park/arcade. He practically sucks her face off, great material to show kids on how not to kiss. And one last thing, try the rubbing hands technique Miyagi uses to help heal Daniel during the last tournament. It doesn’t work, I’ve tried many times, I guess I don’t have the Hollywood touch. 

Honorable Mentions: Teen Wolf, Angles in the Outfield, High School Musical (I got to do something to try and get the school girl demographics in my favor)

During my last round of golf for the year, I got to thinking about the changing seasons in weather and also in sports. In the middle of two double bogeys, I had a lot of time to think about something other than how poorly I was playing or else I would have went crazy. With every change of season comes a different variety of sports. As we say “goodbye” to baseball, golf and soccer (yeah, I know, most of us never said “hello” to soccer and thus are not in need of telling it “goodbye”), we have welcomed football and basketball. I would put hockey in there, but just like soccer, it’s just one of those sports that still can’t get better ratings during it’s playoffs than reruns of “Full House.”

The 2008 World Series was wet and wild.

The most recent World Series between the Philadelphia Phillies and the Tampa Bay Rays left a lot of fans feeling short changed. Mother Nature changed things quite a bit, as Philadelphia was hit with hard rain and snow storms. Game 5, which proved to be the series clincher, was suspended in the 6th inning for two days. You have to wonder how the series would have been different if the weather would have cooperated more. For a sport that starts it’s Spring training in February, it seems rather odd that is stretches it’s season into October. The weather conditions through the regular season stay fairly consistent, but their off-season is vastly different. There should be more controversy in the timetable the league has than the size of the strike zone every game.

While football has been in our midst since September, now is when we get into the nitty-gritty of both the NFL and college football. For the NFL, we start looking at the Playoffs and who is emerging as the teams to beat. For college football, the BCS standings continue to get shook up and Conference Championships start inching closer and closer. With every week that passes we weep that we are one more week closer to the end of football, it is truly America’s sport. The NBA, which also has a long season, can do as they please because they play indoors. NBA Commissioner David Stern did experiment with playing an outdoor game during the preseason at a tennis venue, but it was a little too chilly for some players. A few traded their Powerade for a cup of hot cocoa.

College basketball is also right around the corner, which really doesn’t pick up until after Christmas. With exception to the Inter-conference tournaments to start the season, you won’t see many competitive games until the beginning of January. Only a little over 100 schools compete in NCAA college football, well over 300 compete in NCAA basketball. There are enough cupcake college teams for every larger school to have their share of and rack up an easy 10 wins to start their season. You could conceivably not pay attention to college basketball until the Conference Tournaments in March and know enough to fill out a decent Final Four bracket. In the end though, it seems the secretary or office idiot who knows nothing about college basketball will always win.

In week 8, London hosted it’s second NFL game in as many years. The New Orleans Saints (who were technically the home team) beat the San Diego Chargers. Besides the few fans who looked like they were from the States (they had ridiculous outfits and face paint), there were a lot of confused spectators in the stadium. I guess Americans watching a squash match would draw a similar comparison, or Americans watching an Arena Football game. After week 8, we know two more things for certain in this topsy turvy NFL season:

Long Snappers Do Make a Difference

Giants WR Amani Toomer picked up a key first down en route to the Giants 21-14 victory over the Steelers on Sunday.

Whenever someone scans an injury roster for each game, the focus goes to the skill position players (the “Fantasy” players, if you may). I highly doubt anyone looked at the injury roster for the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday and noticed that their starting long snapper Greg Warren was listed. Steelers fans for certain will take notice after what happened on Sunday when their team was holding onto a 14-12 lead over the New York Giants. Steelers replacement long snapper James Harrison flung the football 5 yards over the head of punter Mitch Berger and into the end zone for a safety, tying the game at 14 and opening the door for the Giants to win the game. The long snapper is kind of like the holder on field goals, it’s a thankless position. They are kind of like the janitor that replaces the urinal cakes, his job is very vital and nobody notices the good work he does until he messes up. A couple more thankless positions in the NFL include the kid that runs out on the field to grab the kicker’s tee after a kickoff and the guys that squirt water into the players mouths, as if football players can’t squirt water into their own mouths. I guess it’s just one of those luxuries that few people will ever understand, similar to how NBA players have to have grade school towel boys put their warm up jackets on their shoulders when they go to the bench. You never know, someone might forget how to wear one and try to put their feet through the arm holes. Those towel boys have saved Shaquille O’Neal a lot of public embarrassment and shame. 

Bengals WR Chad Ochocinco was giddy after the game and he got a juice box.

Lions Have a New Challenger

Just when you thought that things couldn’t get worse for the Cincinnati Bengals it does. Right now it’s to the point that you can almost see that the Bengals aren’t trying very hard. They almost look like elementary aged pee-wee football players, I think I saw Chad Ochocinco sitting on the ground and picking grass. He was pouting because he didn’t want to wait until the end of the game to get his treat and juice box. WIth so much talent on the offensive side of the ball, the Bengals are a disgrace. The Bengals rank last in scoring (13 points/game) and yards per game (229). All of a sudden the Detroit Lions aren’t looking like the supreme candidate to go winless and match the ’76 Buccaneers. It’s amazing that Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis isn’t on the hot seat. I guess that the people and management in Cincinnati are so used to losing that they’ve become pacified to the thought of winning. It’s too bad that the Detroit Lions don’t play the Bengals this year, that game might have had more emotion than the Super Bowl. I wonder how much advertisers would have paid to air a 30-second commercial during that game…