I don’t know what is worse: having to wait 2 weeks for the Super Bowl, being a sports writer that has to find a Super Bowl topic that hasn’t been beaten like a dead horse, or the innocent public having to read the crap that the sports writers put in front of us. Today, all 3 have joined forces, in the form of the crappiest article ever written on espn.com. David Thorpe of espn.com posted an article this morning entitled, “Best football players from NBA rosters.” In this article, Thorpe goes through a football roster and plugs NBA players into every position. In his opening paragraph he wrote, “take a second to imagine the kind of havoc some of these guys would wreak on the football field.” This has to be the most ludicrous notion I have ever heard, that basketball players can make a switch to the NFL. I don’t think Thorpe has even watched any of the fights this season, none of them can even land a clean punch. Heck Thorpe, the golf season just started, why don’t you write an article on best women’s golfers in the NBA, that would for sure involve Mike Miller, Mike Dunleavy, Troy Murphy, and Adam Morrison (he wouldn’t be the first LPGA golfer with a moustache). How about the best basketball players from soccer? I can see David Beckham running the point and Freddy Adu throwing down some LeBron-esque dunks! Ooh, what about John Daly on the pitcher’s mound? Hey, if David Wells can do it, anybody can. Better yet, what about professional wrestlers in baseball? They would fit right in with the steroids and all; however, their flopping abilities may be better suited to the NBA. If you are not an insider subscriber to espn.com, I’m terribly sorry you cannot participate in reading this laughfest of an article, maybe there is a reason they make you pay to read that stuff, it’s that bad.

College Basketball
This past spring brought it’s usual and now expected craziness of upsets, buzzer beaters, and amazing comebacks in what we like to call “March Madness.” The craziest part about it was listening to Jim Nance’s post-game interview with some of the newly crowned champion Florida Gator players. Jim Nance asked center Joakim Noah about what the Gators did to win the game. In amazing fashion, Joakim Noah testified of the quality of his education at the University of Florida by saying, “Me and my boys brought it, and when I say we brought it you know what I mean? No you don’t know what I mean, but my boys know what I mean.” It seemed as if Jim Nance was pushing a panic button that flashed the words “COMMERCIAL BREAK! COMMERCIAL BREAK!” on the producer’s screen up in the video room. It didn’t stop there, Nance went on to interview a couple others which only buried the academic validity of Florida athletes. It seemed as if none of them had any formal schooling or had been taught the English language from a book. I don’t think the Florida officials shed a single tear when four starters chose to bypass their senior seasons and declared themselves eligible for the NBA Draft. Those five players’ decision to leave just might have doubled the school’s average GPA.     

Pro Basketball
Can anybody out there look at me straight faced and tell me without even smirking that NBA officials do not show favoritism and that the NBA is free from conspiracies and inconsistencies? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Case and point, I went to game 4 of the Western Conference Finals between the Jazz and Spurs. Steve Javie, the head referee, is a ruthless tyrant that reigns with terror on teams he doesn’t particularly like. Just as Joey Crawford would like to pick a fight with Tim Duncan, I don’t think it would be far fetched to say that, if given the chance, Steve Javie would love nothing more than to line up every player and coach on the Jazz roster and kick them square in the crotch. Although he didn’t do it physically, he did it mentally with the horrendous way he and his crew handled this game. Not only did he kick out Derek Fisher, who has been in the top 5 for “Sportsman of the Year” every year for years, but he also refused to call fouls on the Spurs. Riddle me this Batman, how did the Jazz lose by double digits despite having fewer turnovers and shooting over 53% from the field? I’ll tell you how, by the officials giving the Spurs 20+ free throws in the 4th and the Jazz 2. Here’s an interesting fact, the officials called fouls 90% of the time that the Spurs drove to the basket, and 10% of the time the Jazz did the same. Can you tell me there was that much difference in the physicality on both ends? I think not. Do you really blame the fans for getting a little boisterous and chanting “REFS YOU (OPPOSITE OF BLOW)! REFS YOU (OPPOSITE OF BLOW)!”? Good thing Jazz fans don’t consume as much alcohol as other NBA fans or there might have been another Palace Brawl.

NFL
**NEWSFLASH** JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE A FOOTBALL PLAYER YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE TO BREAKING THE LAW! It seems like there are more convicts in the NFL than there is in every other professional sport combined. It will be interesting to see if Commissioner Roger Goodell throws the hammer down on Michael Vick for his dog fighting regime. Vick danced his way around alleged possession of marijuana, so I don’t see anything coming of this current case. I hope Vick hires a good legal counsel or he might say something stupid on the stand like, “Your Honor, I thought that dog fighting is legal where cock fighting is legal……cock fighting is legal right???”

Baseball
I’d now like to take the time to make a personal announcement. I have meddled over this decision for many, many years. While my parents don’t like it, and lot of friends don’t support it, I feel I will receive enough support from others to sustain and validate my decision. Here it goes, I am attracted to baseball! I’ve never been a supporter of baseball and never had a team, although I would secretly watch the World Series every year growing up in my room with the door locked so my parents wouldn’t know what I was doing. I am strangely attracted to the competitiveness of the sport and having “a team” to root for. Not only am I coming out as a baseball fan, but also a San Francisco Giants fan. Why San Francisco? Well, I think it’s fairly obvious, but for those who don’t know let me give you the rundown. First, Barry Bonds is awesome. I’ve always liked him and have never wavered on my support of him through this ridiculoius steroids investigation by MLB. Will he beat Hank Aaron’s homerun record? Yes. Should it be in the record books? Yes. Should he be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame? Yes! You can’t tell me “steroids” gave Bonds the fluid motion of his swing. Second, what’s cooler than home run balls landing in a bay to be had amongst the person with the swiftest swing of a net or strongest swing of an oar in the general direction of the other people going after the ball. And third, I like the 49ers, so it only makes sense to like the Giants too, right? Because I’m new at this baseball thing, I reserve the right to change teams if “my team” is really bad. Expos fans reserved that right and shipped their team to Washington DC.

Brett Favre – Please Retire NEXT Year

Brett Favre has more than accomplished what he set out to do in the NFL. When Favre came into the league, there were droves of people that pronounced his name “Fav-ray,” I still do. Favre brought back a Super Bowl title to the Green Bay Packers, has won 3 MVPs, brought tears to many frozen cheeseheads, and was behind the scenes in the now infamous “Lambeau Leap.” Didn’t you just love how hard the Broncos tried during their Super Bowl runs to make their “Mile High Salute” just as/if not more popular and failed miserably? Favre has also made his mark on the record books, he holds the NFL records for most consecutive starts (237) and most consecutive 3,000 yard seasons (15). Favre needs just 7 TD passes, 2 more wins, 3,900 yards passing, and 5 interceptions to become the NFL all-time leader in each of those respective categories. With that said, I can understand why he would come back for one more year, but anything after that will just be another sports star at the slaughter, like Michael Jordan with the Washington Wizards. Watching “His Airness” dunk those last couple of seasons was like watching Oliver Miller dunk…in slow motion. It’s been a good run Brett, you have your spot in Canton, so just play your last season, retire, and move on with life. Your now gray hairs will always be remembered and your legend has been solidified at the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field!