For the first time in many years, we’re almost to the half-point of the season and there are well over 10 teams that could possibly make it to the Super Bowl. America’s Team is struggling, the Patriots are Brady-less and the Colts are just old. We saw a shift in powers in the late 90s when teams like Denver, San Francisco, Green Bay, and Dallas went from relevant to mediocre. Maybe it’s about that time again when the winds of power are swirling and a lot of teams that have been relevant the past 5+ years are being left behind. 

Two Flew Over the Crappy Nest

Falcons QB Matt Ryan is not playing his age.

There are two birds in the NFC that are flying high and exceeding expectations this year, the Falcons and the Cardinals. Both teams were uncertain at quarterback heading into the season, which is usually not an ingredient for success. On top of that, when the Falcons donned Matt Ryan as their starting quarterback, he was the youngest in the league. When the Cardinals tapped Kurt Warner as their starting quarterback, he was the oldest (at the time, now he rivals old farts Kerry Collins and Gus Frerotte). In what is shaping up to be a crazy season in the NFL, the Falcons and Cardinals are both sitting at 4-2 and are playing with a great deal of confidence. Many people are already crowning Matt Ryan the rookie of the year and their coach Mike Smith the Coach of the Year. Wait a second, do the Falcons know they still have to play 10 more games? If they were the Cardinals they might have a little more hope to make such lofty predictions so early, the Cardinals are in the worst conference in the NFL. On a side note, with so many aging quarterbacks getting so much playing time, how much longer will it be until the NFL allows quarterbacks to have Jazzys? 

Browns QB Derek Anderson brought his team back into the AFC picture on Monday night.

Giants Still the Team to Beat; Panthers, Bucs, and Saints Close Behind

So the Giants got embarrassed on Monday night. What was at first thought to be a bad game scheduled by Monday Night Football turned out to be quite the opposite. Many thought the Browns would have been better, so the game was turning into a runway for the Giants to show off they are still the champs. The Browns stole the runway, they were the big angry dogs with something to prove, and the Giants stood there like scared little kids with damp pants. It wasn’t even close, but just about every team can afford a slip once or twice during the season. The Giants will take a mulligan for that game and pick up where they left off next week when San Francisco visits them. Washington, Dallas, and Philadelphia are all showing signs that they may not be able to go deep. Right now the only three teams that might be able to hang with the Giants are Tampa Bay, Carolina, and New Orleans. Tampa Bay is still showing some signs of deficiency on offense, but you know what they say, “The best offense is a good defense.” Carolina has a consistent veteran (Jake Delhomme) running the offense and a surprisingly good defense ranked in the NFLs top 10. New Orleans quarterback Drew Brees is much better than last year (which isn’t saying much, he was horrible last year) and Reggie Bush is starting to feel more comfortable running in between the tackles. “So your telling me that Reggie Bush is turning into a real running back?” “Well, sort of!”

As we get deeper and deeper into the 2008 NFL season, it’s interesting to see just how long some people will hold on to their pre-season predictions. “The Chargers and Jaguars will turn it around,” “The Packers really will be okay without and Favre,” and “Kyle Orton will be the the MVP.” Okay, so that last one was a little far fetched, but I’m sure some delusional bum on the streets of Chicago or Kyle Orton’s mom could have made that prediction. Here’s just a few more things we know going forward this season: 

Saints kicker Martin Gramatica was a "goat" on Monday Night Football.

Hurricane Gramática Wreaks Havoc on New Orleans

We laugh at how they wear wear single bar helmets that are too big for their small heads, strap on shoulder pads even though they don’t have to, and always have mismatching shoes. We applaud their abilities to flop like soccer players when anyone touches them and praise them when they are the last person to beat and just get in the way. How quickly the tide changes when our lovable kickers miss a field goal and are demoted to a “goat” as quickly as he was acclamated. Aside from the quarterback, the kicker has to be the most vital part to a team’s ability to score. It can dare be said that New Orleans Saints kicker Martin Gramatica can now be pinned with two of the Saints’ three losses this year. A couple weeks ago the Saints lost to the Denver Broncos by two after Gramatica missed a field goal and last night he didn’t fair much better. On Monday Night Football, Gramatica had a blocked field goal returned for a touchdown by the Minnesota Vikings and then missed the go ahead 43-yard field goal with under two minutes left in regulation. The Saints better get their kicking in order or they stand to be another forgotten team in a forgettable season. Case and point, the 1999 NFC Championship Game, Atlanta Falcons at the Minnesota Vikings. Led by Randall Cunningham, the Vikings were the shoe-in for the Super Bowl and also the favorites to win. Vikings kicker Gary Anderson, who had not missed a field goal all year, missed a 38 yarder with under two minutes left. Atlanta drove the ball, made a field goal, and won. Consequently, the Vikings lost and their incredible season is now forgotten by most. Come on Gramatica, we want to see more of your days of old when you were “automatica.”

Miami Dolphins Out of #1 Draft Pick Contention

The Miami Wildphins are turning things around this year.

Nobody would have believed the Miami Dolphins could win during the off-season, but then the Dolphins landed Chad Pennington and there was a glimmer of hope they might win at least a couple games. The Dolphins got pummeled at home in week one and embarrassed the next week by the Arizona Cardinals. Fans in south Florida thought they were staring at another #1 offensive lineman draft pick next year right in the face. The Dolphins were a gloomy bunch heading into Foxborough to face the New England Patriots. They looked like little kids who just couldn’t pull off a win in “Chutes and Ladders,” devastation was seeping in. “I always land on the chutes, it’s no fair,” Ricky Williams whined on the team bus before he slipped into daydreams about “Puff the Magic Dragon.” Then something miraculous happened, the Dolphins pulled off a win against the Patriots! The Dolphins introduced their “Wildcat” offense, a scheme of trick plays and direct snaps to the running back, which seemed unstoppable. The Dolphins flew back to Miami elated, thinking that maybe this season did hold some success for them in the future. Then last week, the Dolphins beat the Chargers using that same “Wildcat” offense and now the Dolphins have equalled their win total for last year and we’re only in week 5! I wonder if the excitement will fade now that fans are kind of expecting to win and will be disappointed after they lose. The high ground is always better, but the Dolphins are more on the middle ground, they aren’t seen as big of underdogs as they were a couple weeks ago, but they aren’t king of the hill either. Needless to say, they are on a roll and should keep rolling next week at Houston. It’s intriguing to think how the Dolphins will do against the tough Baltimore Ravens defense in two weeks. From this day forward, JIB Sports will refer to the Dolphins offense as the “Wildphin” offense, wildcats and dolphins don’t mesh, but if they did they would be “wildphins.”

Redskins quarterback Jason Campbell is quietly leading with no turnovers so far this year.

Redskins Won’t Fade This Year

The Washington Redskins started the year by getting run down by Brandon Jacobs and the New York Giants. Nobody expected those teams to be heading into week 6 as the two of the top teams in the league. The Giants are still undefeated and the Redskins are coming off of convincing road wins at Dallas and Philadelphia. What’s even more head-turning about the Redskins’ start to the season is that their quarterback Jason Campbell has not committed a single turnover all season. Also just as interesting is that running back Clinton Portis has run over 120 yards the past two weeks, averaging over 5 yards per carry. The Redskins defense has not been phenomenal but it has been good enough to win, they run a true “bend but don’t break” defense. Besides the casual Redskins fan, everyone doubts this team because they have to. Really, the Redskins have proven for many years that they are nothing more than a mediocre team, we are forced to doubt  based on previous years’ results. One thing that may be hard to doubt is that the Redskins will be 7-1 at the halfway mark. The Redskins play the St. Louis Rams, the Cleveland Browns, and the Detroit Lions the next three weeks. If there was a separation between teams like in college football, those next three opponents for the Redskins would be 1-AA teams. Throw the Kansas City Chiefs in there and they would have their own division!

This past week, the Pedowitz Report was released, which was an intensive look at refereeing in the NBA. Commissioner David Stern was desperate to renew the faith of his fans in the NBA after the Tim Donaghy betting scandal, so he hired a bunch of overpaid lawyers and paid them millions to do a report on the refereeing in the NBA. There are just a couple problems with Stern’s thinking on this one: the majority of basketball fans are already convinced that there are biases with refereeing in the NBA, and the minority are not going to waste time reading a 133 page report from some people paid by Stern to say what he wanted them to. What the Tim Donaghy scandal did was only validate what thousands of fans had already been thinking. The simple matter of fact is that whenever there is a questionable call that impacts a game, Tim Donaghy will pop into our heads kind of like E.T. does when we see Reese’s Pieces. (What? That doesn’t happen to you? Me neither…) 

Referees, often compared with zebras, are people too.

The problems in officiating are universal and run through all sports. We see shoddy officiating in the NFL, college sports, and even the Olympics. What always gets us is when after a game where a questionable call has been made we’re told that “the rules are open for interpretation.” I hate that! I want to throw my shoe at the T.V. when I here that! Rules are rules, aren’t they? So the rules are open for interpretation, which I’ve grown to be fine with, as long as their interpretation is consistent throughout the game. Right now, game 3 of the ALDS between the Los Angeles-Anaheim Angels and Boston Red Sox is on in the background and I heard the announcers say, “the strike zone seems bigger in this game then in the first two.” Okay, I’m fine with that, as long as that strike zone stays consistent. When watching basketball games and football games you can pretty much decide in the first few minutes whether the referees will let the players be more physical and let more things go. I’m fine with that too, a little street ball never hurt anyone. But, the problem we run into is that every referee is human, and humans have emotion. You think that when you yell profanities at referees that they aren’t affected emotionally by that. Referees have feelings too. We almost see referees as a by-standard to the game, just a zebra standing there, but they are every much a part of the game as the players and coaches.

Next time you watch a a college basketball game take notice to the team fouls. In college basketball there are two halves, after 7 team fouls in a half the other team gets to shoot “one-and-one,” meaning if they make the first free throw they get to attempt a second. After 10 team fouls in a half the other team gets two free throws. Since the fairness in college basketball is largely based on foul count and foul shots, you’ll see an interesting paradox once one team inches closer to 7 team fouls. The interesting paradox is that the other team all of a sudden will start fouling more to even it up so both teams get one-and-one at about the same time. Wait a second, or do the referees jut start calling more fouls on the other team? Think about it, it’s deep. I was attending a college basketball game when the team fouls were 7 on one team and 2 on the other. In the matter of minutes they were even at 7 and 7. In football you can see much of the same with holding calls. Honestly, holding can be called on about every play, so if the penalty yard disparity becomes too much, expect a few of those to be thrown in. After the NBA’s 133 page report on refereeing I can give you a two-word report on refereeing that will solve our problems, ‘USE ROBOTS!’ Think about it, robots have no emotion and if they can make video game so true to form than surely robots can do the job. There would be no biases or prejudices, unless the robots revolted and combined against us. Let’s just stick with what we have now, take the bad with the good, and accept the fact that referees are people like me and you…almost.

Last week we were talking about quarterbacks in trouble of riding the pine, this week there are now two coaches riding no pine. On Monday the St. Louis Rams fired head coach Scott Linehan and on Tuesday the Oakland Raiders fired head coach Lane Kiffin. The Linehan firing made a bit more sense than the Kiffin firing, the Rams actually had some talent on the offensive side of the ball. The Raiders defense was sometimes mentioned as being good, but that was in major part because there was really nothing good to say about their offense. You all remember what your mothers said to your growing up right? “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” The first quarter of the season is done for many teams, add these few key points to your football psyche heading into week 5:

Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger needs to get his offense rolling sooner.

Defense Wins Championships, but Definitely Not TV Ratings

Last year when the Pittsburgh Steelers hosted a Monday Night Football game  against the Miami Dolphins, it was fun to watch. There was hardly any scoring, the final score was 3-0, but fun because they were playing in the rain and the field was a soaked sponge full of mud. While watching the game I thought the old NFL Films voice would chime in, “It was a rainy Monday night, and their was one thing that was for certain, this contest between the Steelers and Dolphins would be a muddy affair.” There was one time when the Dolphins punted and the ball stuck right in the ground when it landed! Now look me straight faced in the eye and tell me that’s not entertainment. This year was a little different story for the Steelers hosting the Baltimore Ravens, no mud and no rain, just a lot of ‘ugh’ from the Steelers offense. Midway through the third quarter the Steelers had amassed 69 total yards on offense, they had more punts than first downs. While most fans were about to poke their own eyes out, fans in SEC country were yelling “Now that’s real SEC football!” to their television sets. It was ugly, the fans were booing, and some were waving their ‘terrible towels‘ with the Steelers offense on the field in hopes that they would help their team. I think it did, the Steelers pushed on the gas and sent the game into overtime where place kicker Jeff Reed made the game winning field goal. After the game Reed said he gets too much credit and that his foot is the one that did it. Hmm, why do we give any quarterback credit? It’s just their arm. By that same principle, Michael Jordan deserves absolutely  ZERO credit, it was all his tongue.

Bengals WR Chad Ocho Cinco might look into changing his name to "Ohno Cinco"

Cleveland is Bad, but Cincinnati is Worse

This year’s battle of Ohio wasn’t for supremacy, but rather respectability. Both teams were 0-3, struggling, and needing to reroute themselves. The fact that Carson Palmer was out did not help the Bengals, who’s now horrible season is about imminent with an 0-4 start. Chad Whoever has been a silent guy so far this season, he really has nothing to pop his mouth off about. I doubt you’ll hear  ”Yeah, we may have lost, but nobody loses like we do, we lose in style!” coming from the Bengals locker room anytime soon. You know he wants to say something, but nobody would take him serious. Instead of clipping his comments up to their lockers for motivation, I’m sure opponents would read what he has to say and laugh it off like one of those silly Beetle Bailey comics. Maybe to add a little more spice we can throw Ohio State into the mix, no, that wouldn’t be fair. The Bengals and Browns would walk all over those little nuts. Here is another headline we could have used, “Kansas City is Bad, but Oakland is Worse.” The Chiefs broke an 11-game losing streak against the Denver Broncos and are eyeing November 20, their next game against the Raiders. That game may be the Chiefs only other in in 2008, these two teams will once compete for the battle of the #1 pick in next year’s draft. After the Dolphins coming out party last week, they are looking more at a pick #3-5.   

Titans/Jets QB Favre showed on Sunday he is still old but not broken.

Titan Favre Not Dead Yet

Why exactly do teams wear old uniforms from when their team had a different name? Beats me, can’t wait for the Oklahoma City Thunder (who might now have the most boring uniforms and logo in NBA history) to have retro-night and don those old Seattle Supersonics jerseys. Brett Favre had a career day against the Arizona Cardinals as a Titan. Not a Packer, not a Jet, a New York Titan (slightly different from a Tennessee Titan). Favre capitalized on 6 turnovers by Cardinals QB Kurt Warner and threw for 6 touchdown passes. On the same day the Green Bay Packers has a horrendous day against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Next Brett Favre to be Aaron Rodgers had his worst game yet, some were now calling out Green Bay management for not retaining Favre. Rodgers went down with a strained shoulder, with only rookies Brian Brohm and Matt Flynn to back him up, that’s not good for Packers fans. Favre would have been a lot nicer, but if they would have kept Favre then the Packers would have delayed their rebuilding process towards making a legitimate shot at a Super Bowl by one more year. There are two things that need be pointed out from this predicament. First, Rodgers played in “The Bay of Pigs” against a tough Tampa Bay defense, which Favre always struggled against. Second, Favre threw his 6 touchdown passes against the Cardinals…the Cardinals! Even largely criticized and banished Chicago Bears QB Rex Grossman could have had a hayday on them.

While  a few teams started digging their way out of holes, a couple more just kept digging deeper hoping they’ll come out on the other end. While week 2 was bliss for the New England Patriots as life after Brady began, week 3 was a slap back to reality. Picture a dolphin winding up and smacking you across the face with it’s flipper, it was that kind of slap for the Patriots. Quarterbacks continued to be replaced as often as those cheap light bulbs you pay for at the thrift store thinking you’ll get more out of four crappy ones than one good one. Marc Bulger, Tarvaris Jackson, Jeff Garcia, and soon Derek Anderson will all be riding the pine. At least they have the luxury of fans when it’s hot, coats when it’s cold, no dirty laundry (those grass stains are a pain to get out), and a teenager making minimum wage to squeeze a bottle of gatorade in their mouth when they become hydrated. Now that’s the life! I’d taking a million dollar paycheck to do that every Sunday, don’t feel bad for them, they are as happy as an elementary kid that’s “sick” and can’t go to school. Heading into week 4, keep the following three thoughts in your mind:

Eli Manning is on the positive side of comparisons with his brother this year.

Eli is at the Top of Manning Mountain

The time has come that Eli has dreamed about every night since becoming a starting quarterback in the NFL, he is better than his brother. The little guy who I believe has never used a comb in his life and wasn’t seen as an average quarterback until he won last year’s Super Bowl is now considered by many to be the superior Manning. Right about now, the only things Peyton has on his resume that Eli doesn’t is a few better commercials, a league MVP trophy, and couple hundred more touchdown passes, a few thousand more passing yard, and he hosted Saturday Night Live. Okay, so Peyton has a lot over Eli, but this year him and his Colts are staggering to start the season while Eli and his Giants are looking very capable of defending their Super Bowl title. You have to believe that ever since Brett Favre landed in New York that a lot of stress and media attention have been diverted away from Eli and allowed him to be more confident. Eli also has the luxury of talented targets around him on offense and a steady running game while Peyton is struggling with a depleted offensive line, an aging Marvin Harrison, and a pathetic running game. Colts running back Joseph Addai has looked very uninterested and has been very ineffective running the ball for the Colts, putting all the weight on Peyton. Maybe the Colts newly opened Lucas Oil Stadium is the source of their misfortunes. Maybe the Colts are receiving bad karma from the oil companies ruining all of our lives, ah, yet another travesty related to high oil prices.

Gus Frerotte will be fine as long as he doesn't score a running touchdown.

Gus Frerotte Could be the Next Randall Cunningham

The Vikings love to bring in oldies and hope they are still goodies. With the exception of Daunte Culpepper (who is now retired from the NFL at the ripe age of 31), most of the Vikings exceptional quarterbacks have been ones nearing the end of their careers. There was Warren Moon, Brad Johnson, and Randall Cunningham. Cunningham had the most success though. After retiring in 1995, Cunningham restarted his playing career again with the Vikings in 1997 and led the 1998 Vikings to a 15-1 record. Vikings coach Brad Childress is hoping to find that same success with Gus Frerotte, who surprised many when they heard he would be the starting quarterback in favor of Tarvaris Jackson. I’m sure the thought going through many people’s heads was “Gus Frerotte? That guy hasn’t retired or been cut from a team yet?” While Frerotte didn’t do anything to lose the game, he did enough to keep the running game healthy and help the Vikings win. Every time I think about Frerotte though, I equate him with “bone-head.” Does anybody else remember in 1997 when he had the most awkward and painful touchdown celebrations in NFL History? After scoring a touchdown on a 1-yard run, Frerotte starting running toward the walls surrounding the field. Thinking that the stands were a little too high to successfully attempt a “Lambeau Leap,” Frerotte head-butted the wall. He ended up going to the hospital with a sprained neck…

Randy Moss heads for the endzone in a Madden '08 screen shot. If only it was that easy for the Patriots on Sunday.

Madden Video Games are Practical

For all of you who have ever played Madden video games on the game consul of your choice, you have your “bread and butter” play. It’s the play that you go to when you are in a pinch, your never fail. As wonderful as it was to always call that play and have success, we all know that it is not like that in the NFL, right? Wrong! Well, at least for Sunday’s game between the Miami Dolphins and New England Patriots it couldn’t have been more wrong. The Dolphins’ never fail play was the direct snap to running back Ronnie Brown, they ran the play five times and were successful in every try. The Dolphins made the Patriots look downright silly and even invoked some moaning and complaining from the cocky and arrogant Belichick defense. Rodney Harrison, renowned aroung the league as the “dirtiest player” as voted by the coaches and players for the last few years was calling the Dolphins dirty. That’s as ludicrous as Michael Vick calling out a dog owner for using a shock collar. Whatever positive affirmations Patriots fans were reciting to themselves daily to mask their insecurities about not being able to win without Brady were replaced with profanity and despair. Here’s to hoping the Red Sox do something in the post season so that the greater Boston area doesn’t crack the top ten of “Most Depressing Cities in America.” 

In week 2, the NFL could very well have stolen the slogan for TNT and gotten away with it, “We Know Drama.” Week 2 included seven come from behind wins in the waning moments of each game. Week 2 also included an interesting shift in power as the NFC emerged as perhaps the stronger conference. There has been an interesting parody in the NFL and NBA in the past two seasons and that is their champion at the end of year was not the representative from the “tougher” conference. In the NBA we all gabbed about how tough the competition in the Western Conference was, but it was the Eastern Conference Boston Celtics that took home the Title. In the NFL last year we saw the New England Patriots represent the tough AFC (no surprise really, but the AFC was the tougher of the two conferences) but the NFC representative New York Giants were the ones that hoisted the Vince Lombardi Trophy. It’s a little early to be talking about the Super Bowl, but I’m going to side with whoever comes out of the AFC. Think about these three revelations heading into week 3:

A healthy McNabb has the Eagles flying again. The Super Bowl is not out of sight.

So a Healthy Donovan McNabb WAS the Eagles Problem

Since 2005, when they went to the Super Bowl, the Philadelphia Eagles have went through quite an identity crisis. QB Jeff Garcia backed up an injured Donovan McNabb and filled in well, leading the Eagles to the playoffs in 2006. In 2007 though, nobody filled those shoes and the Eagles struggled with McNabb on the sideline dedicating his time to rehabbing and making Campbell’s Chunky Soup commercials with his mother. All that time however; next to nobody supposed the reason for the Eagles struggles was an unhealthy McNabb. Although the Eagles lost to the Dallas Cowboys in a back and forth game on Monday Night Football, I think we are all in agreeance that the Eagles are back. The NFC East (Eagles, Cowboys, Redskins, Giants) is looking to be the toughest division in the NFL and will represent the NFC in the Super Bowl. Just about everyone is jumping on the Cowboys bandwagon, reminiscent of other recent fads like Hannah Montana and brightly colored patches of hair. I, on the other hand, will stick with the either the Eagles or Giants, whom have actually won a playoff game the past 10 years (keep in mind you have to win multiple playoff games to get to the Super Bowl).

Ed Hochuli sporting his tight shirt in sunny Miami.

The Chargers Start Slow

For the second year in a row, San Diego has started 0-2. The Chargers ended last season pretty well, playing in the AFC Championship Game, so I’m not too concerned for them. The one thing that is concerning about this year’s start is that it should have never happened, the Chargers got screwed in Denver last week. The Chargers were up 7 in the last minute of the fourth quarter. The Broncos were driving and were almost in the end zone when quarterback Jay Cutler fumbled. Head official Ed Hochuli blew his whistle, making the play dead and non-reviewable. Upon review it was confirmed that Cutler did fumble the ball but because Hochuli blew his whistle, Denver was awarded the ball. It’s not often that you can really say a team lost on a bad call from the official, but this is one of them. Hochuli really blew it(the call, and the whistle as a matter of fact), haven’t the officials learned to always assume it was a fumble? You can always review and overturn a fumble that in fact was not; however; when the whistle blows the discussion is over. I think if Hochuli focused more on the game than showboating how good he looks in a tight shirt then bad calls like that wouldn’t happen. I swear Hochuli sees what size of shirt fits and then puts on one two sizes smaller. If you look at him closely while he signals holding calls, you might see him flex his pectoral muscles.

Are the Panthers really better without Steve Smith?

The Punkless Panthers are Pretty…Good

In training camp, Pro Bowl wide receiver Steve Smith got into a playground scuffle with teammate Ken Lucas. The scuffle ended with Lucas’ nose being misshaped (or broken, however you look at it) and Steve Smith being dealt a two game suspension. John Fox looked like a suicide assassin suspending his best player, it was almost guaranteeing a 0-2 start. However; things couldn’t be more opposite, the Panthers are 2-0 and looking like the team that went to the Super Bowl, which seems like forever ago. In both victories the Panthers had to come from behind, first at San Diego and the next at home against a confident Bears team that had just knocked off the Colts in Indianapolis. John Fox is beginning to look like a genius. Could it be the absence of Steve Smith is actually helping? If I were a cornerback or defensive back for the Panthers I’d be practicing my “yo’ mama” jokes so that Steve Smith will break my nose in practice this week and pray John Fox will suspend him for the rest of the season. I don’t think any other team has a better or easier formula for success at this time. Then again, maybe Steve Smith will make them that much more better. Let’s hold off on the “yo’ mama” jokes until next week.

The first weekend of NFL action seemed oddly familiar to when I went and saw “Get Smart” this past summer. Going to see that movie I knew exactly what it was going to be like, another stupid Steve Carell movie with Anne Hathaway playing the ugly girl that gets a makeover. (Refer to “The Princess Diaries,” and “The Devil Wears Prada”) Coming out it was not what I expected at all, it was completely opposite in fact, but was still thoroughly entertaining. “Peyton Manning will be just fine, the Colts offense will not lose a step.” “The Bengals are going to shut down rookie QB Joe Flacco.” “The Patriots are going to prove they can make it back to the Super Bowl again.” “The Chargers are going to prove they are contenders as well.” All of these phrases were uttered more often than not in some form, but none of them were even close to what happened. Whatever predictions you had for this year, throw them out and consider these revelations:

Peyton Manning's usual audibles at the line fell upon deaf ears on Sunday.

The Colts Aren’t the Same Without…Jeff Saturday ???

The Indianapolis Colts opened their season in a brand new stadium that they could fit their old shoe box of stadium RCA Dome inside of. All night long the announcers kept saying, “That’s the first catch in Lucas Oil Stadium,” and “That’s the first touchdown in Lucas Oil Stadium,” and in the end it was “That’s the first loss for the Colts in Lucas Oil Stadium.” (I promise I am in no way plugging Lucas Oil…) Everybody was concerned with Peyton Manning not taking a snap all preseason and rightfully so the offense was stagnant at best. But I wouldn’t put the blame on Peyton; it was the absence of Peyton’s only bud that will allow him to touch his rear in a fashion other then a bum slap, and that’s his center Jeff Saturday. Saturday, who has snapped the ball to Manning since 1999, is out 6-8 weeks with a injured knee. When you take time to reflect on the center, it’s an integral part of anything. Take an Oreo without the white stuff in the middle, then it’s just two crappy pieces of chocolate cardboard stacked on each other. Or you can compare it to a Twinkie without the creme filling, take that out and it’s just another sponge. Saturday was the main interpreter to the line of Peyton’s infamous audibles, which he calls in droves on every play. I can only imagine what was going through that center’s head, “What the heck is he saying? Seriously man! Just say “HIKE!””

In one split second the Patriots season may have turned for the worse.

The Patriots are in Deep Sludge 

No other team has had more talk around them since last year than the New England Patriots. They took a chance on Randy Moss and put him in the record books for most touchdown receptions in a season, they skirted the integrity of their franchise with the New York Jets’ accusations of them taping their defensive signals and then “Spygate,” and they almost matched the ’72 Dolphins as the second team to go undefeated in a season until they blew it in the Super Bowl. However; it’s a new season and the Patriots  were out to prove they could make another Super Bowl run until Kansas City Chiefs safety Bernard Pollard awkwardly bumped Tom Brady’s knee and put him out for the year. Some fans are calling the hit dirty, while the more realistic ones are calling it like it was, a clean hit and a fluke injury. Just to suppress the livid Patriot fans, we’ll call the injury “Chiefsgate” and start a petition for the NFL to investigate. In an instant we were all introduced to Matt Cassel (no relation to Sam Cassell, but close).  Cassel was at USC behind Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart, he never started a game in college. That will mean absolutely nothing come Sunday when he starts his first NFL game. After the Colts lost and the Patriots lost Brady, the Pittsburgh Steelers started licking their chops. Even more crazy is the talks of Brett Favre and the J! E! T! S! JETS JETS JETS now being a contender. Tom Brady has single-handedly (or single-kneedly) sent the AFC into a whirlwind.  

Frank Gore and the 49ers are looking their normal selves in '08.

Yes, the Raiders and 49ers Had Their Gatorade Spiked With ‘Suck’ Again

Let’s all just get one thing straight, the Oakland Raiders and San Francisco 49ers are awful. There is no point in getting excited about the chance of them improving because they will inevitably fail and disappoint us all. Until they start winning, there is absolutely zero reason for us to suppose they will get better. It seems the one thing that both teams have been desperately looking for is a quarterback and a leader. The argument can be made that neither team has been worth a lick since Rich Gannon and Jeff Garcia (or Steve Young if you want to go that far back into history). As I was listening to ESPN radio host Colin Cowherd, he mentioned that the problems in the Bay run deeper than the players and the coaches, it’s correlated with the owners. Head Coaches Mike Nolan of the 49ers and Lane Kiffin of the Raiders are hoping that sound byte will make it’s way to their respective front offices, it might help them avoid the firing talk for another couple of weeks. A couple wins might help them as well.

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Running back LaDainian Tomlinson would be a wise choice with your #1 pick.

The NFL season is upon us which means that one more thing is inching closer, the beginning of Fantasy Football. What started out as a fun game, has turned into a revolution. Fantasy Football with the NFL has become as synonymous as blackjack with Vegas. The interesting thing about it is that much like blackjack, there is skill involved, but whether you win or not is based more on luck. What was obscure a few years ago is now out in the forefront with numerous sports websites that promote starting your own fantasy team and league with friends. Not only that, but there are also websites and TV programs dedicated to lending advice and strategy about Fantasy Football. 

The most crucial part of Fantasy Football is your Fantasy Draft. Just like those nerds we all make fun of that play with Magic cards and have an assmebly of favorite Pokémon, Fantasy Football participants can draft their favorite players and assembly their own dream team. When I participated in my first draft I felt like a real general manager assembling my own ultimate team, I was that into it. I learned that maybe it’s not so easy to be a general manger. In a typical fantasy league you will have:1 starting quarterback, 2 starting running backs, 2 wide receivers, 1 starting tight end, 1 placekicker, 1 optional offensive starter and 1 defense. Each position is awarded points for certain stats. Common advise is to take a running back with your first pick, but I went against the grain and selected a quarterback. I thought I drafted a pretty decent team, but my starting quarterback stunk, and one my starting running back got injured. To add to my humiliation my place kicker earned the most points on my team. Needless to say, I didn’t compete in my league. 

Fantasy Football is ingenious! If it’s purpose was to attract new fans and increase ratings then it had succeeded. If you ever hear a fan rooting for their arch-rival team to do good, you don’t need to ask them what they are doing, you will already know….Fantasy Football. 

Start You Own Fantasy Football Team: NFL.com /  ESPN / Yahoo

Fantasy Football Tips: Tipcentral / Fox Sports / FF Toolbox

The NBA and MLB have their respective All-Star Games, and the NFL has the Pro Bowl. The NBA and MLB have theirs in the middle of the season, the NFL’s is at the end. There is only one of them that has got it all together to have meaningful and entertaining All-Star festivities.

The late Sean Taylor and Chris Samuels at the '06 Pro Bowl. "Aw man! Do we have to play football?"

The NFL struggles the most with it’s Pro Bowl, which is held in Hawaii every year. Not only is viewership down in the company of the PBA and the Scripps National Spelling Bee contest, but it is just difficult to watch. The offensive sets that each conference uses are very basic, much like the ones run in your local pee-wee football league. The defenses are about the same, except for it doesn’t take a pack of them to tackle one player, just two or three. What the Pro Bowl needs is some sort of challenge involving top quarterbacks, just a little something to spice it up. I remember watching one quarterback challenge in particular with Brett Favre (pre-Wrangler endorsee), Warren Moon (Pre-annual DUI suspicion arrestee), and Steve Young (pre-bald spot in the back of his head). They had competitions testing accuracy, quickness, and strength. My favorite was the motorized carts with wide receiver cutouts attached to them. Three or four would cross each other at a time and the QBs would have to hit them with footballs that had paint on the tips. The slower/closer carts were less points then the ones that were faster and further away. As it stands, the Pro Bowl is a dried baked potato that’s been sitting under the heat lamps at Wendy’s; no butter, no chives, no cheese, just plain and stale. The Pro Bowl is nothing more than a congratulatory vacation package to Hawaii for the players and cheap entertainment for the fans.

Amare Stoudamire and Tim Duncan arguing over who has to guard LeBron James.

The NBA has got a good thing going with it’s pre-game entertainment. The new Skills Challenge (designed to test passing accuracy and quickness of guards) fits in quite well with the Slam-Dunk Contest and 3-Point Shootout. Now all they need is a competition for the centers…hmm…maybe they can have 20 elementary school kids all shooting at the same time and see who can reject the most shots. Entertaining and fun for the kids, I think we have a winner! The All-Star Game on the other hand is quite a snoozefest. What the game includes is a bunch of “All-Stars” showboating and not playing defense, not to mention as many flubeed alley-oop attempts as you’ll see with a couple of 12-year olds playing on a 6-foot hoop. The past few years, it has also turned into a ‘runway’ for Adidas to show off some new funky uniform. Here’s a gallery of All-Star uniforms through the ages:

1990ish / 1995 / 2004 / 2005 / 2006 / 2007 West 2007 East / 2008 West 2008 East

The NBA has been criticized for its All-Star Game because of it’s selection process and the fact that half the players do not deserve to play. In 2007, Shaq played a whole 10 games the first half of the season, yet started for the Eastern Conference team. Allen Iverson sat out almost the whole first half of the season with the 76ers (in the Eastern Conference), and was traded to the Nuggets (in the Western Conference) and was consequently a starter for the West team. Then there’s the stigma around Yao Ming, how is he voted the starter every year? oh yeah, he has a billion votes pouring in every year from China alone. A more fitting name for the game should be the ‘Market’-Stars Game.

Josh Hamilton hit a record 28 home runs in the first round of the '08 Home Run Derby.

Lastly, there is Major League Baseball, the only league to get things right. The one things that makes the MLB All-Star Game the cream of the crop is that it is meaningful.Come October there will be plenty of baseball fans who will wonder, “Who won the All-Star Game?” That is the case because the league(National or American) that wins that All-Star Game gets home field advantage in the World Series! In the NBA and NFL next to nobody cares enough to remember who won because it doesn’t matter! in the 2008 MLB All-Star Game, the American League won in the 15th inning, capping the most watched All-Star game for MLB since 2002. Similar to the NBAs dunk contest, MLB has the Home Run Derby, which adds to the excitement and entertainment value of the All-Star Game. It is a glorified batting cage for the players and a spectacle to watch. This past derby featured Josh Hamilton hitting a record 28 home runs in the first round. Let’s be honest though, if my grandpa was throwing me fast balls like 71-year old Clay Council was throwing Hamilton, I’d be hitting that many too.

(1)New Orleans Saints

In 2006 they were the feel good story of the NFL after Hurricane Katrina. In the Monday Night Football opening game, the Saints beat the then Michael Vick Falcons and that was the start of their fairy tale season. Behind the MVP-like performance of Drew Brees, (who was let go by the San Diego Chargers for fear of his durability after a shoulder injury) the tough running of Deuce McAllister and breakout season from late round draft pick wide receiver Marques Colston, the Saints put up lots of points and their defense was nothing short of stellar. In 2007, going into the season, there were high hopes for the Saints to go far in the playoffs. Some experts picked them for the Super Bowl. I even drafted Brees as my starting quarterback on my Fantasy Football team! Needless to say, the Saints disappointed many and left a city once on the top of the hill, ready to break out their old garbage bags to put over their faces. So the question is which season was a fluke? This year we will find out!

Can Reggie Bush and the Saints recover from an upside-down '07 season and prove '06 wasn't a fluke?

(2)Cincinnati Bengals

Will someone please give Keyshawn Johnson Jr.(Chad Johnson) the damn ball?!?!  For a few years now we have yearned to see the Bengals break away from the shadows of their horrific past in the 90s. They showed moments of brilliance in 2005 and sporadically throughout each season after, but a shaky defense and an oft-injured Carson Palmer, coupled with some apparent team chemistry problems with his receivers, have kept the Bengals from making that move from decent team to playoff team. They have become the lovable losers with those one of a kind uniforms and host of players who practice more on what they will do when they get in the end-zone instead of how to get there. 

(3)Cleveland Browns

 My earliest memory of the Cleveland Browns was their last game ever before being “deactivated” for three years in 1996. It wasn’t pretty, middle-aged men in dog masks and football helmets with bones through them tearing apart the benches of the stadium. They were ticked, and seemed to have remained so through 1999 when the team was reactivated and then up to 2007 when their team rose from their dismal run of 13 years without a 10+ win season. Quarterback Derek Anderson and running back Jamal Lewis lead a surprisingly good Browns offense to finish 8th in the NFL in total offense. The Cleveland Browns were quite simply the 2006 New Orleans Saints, the question is will they follow suit of the 2007 Saints or will they keep the good stuff they have rolling, keepng their loyal fans in the Dawg Pound wagging their tails. Is it a coincidence that the dog is the most loyal animal and recently a poll ranked Browns fans as the most loyal in the NFL? I think it was rigged.  

(4)San Francisco 49ers

My second Fantasy Football blunder of 2007 was selecting quarterback Alex Smith to backup Drew Brees, I thought I was a genius! Smith was heading into his 3rd NFL season with Jim Hostler as his new and improved offensive coordinator and an offense that was stacked with good targets and a stellar running game to open up the passing game for Smith. Fast-forward to the  end of the season, 49ers fans were calling for Hostler’s head, and Smith only ended up playing in 7 games, throwing for 2 touchdowns and 4 interceptions. Going into his 4th NFL season, and a proven offensive guru at the helm in Mike Matrz, the 49ers have a lot to prove. Not to mention they play in the NFC in which wins are much easier than in the AFC to come by. Smith needs to step up this year and show why he was the #1 pick back in 2005 Draft. If I were a diehard 49ers fan, I would also be sick of knowing the last decent quarterback they had was Jeff Garcia, and he talked with a lisp.   

(5)Minnesota Vikings

Vikings running back Adrian Peterson is one of the newest spokespersons for Vitamin Water, along with knock you down to Chinatown linebacker Brian Urlacher of the Chicago Bears and hit the baseball halfway to the moon batter David Ortiz of the Red Sox! Then again, so is country singer Carrie Underwood so not much to be gained in the toughness category there. Peterson’s Nike commercial with LT however does validate him as an up-and-coming star in the NFL. Last year, on his way to winning Offensive Rookie of the Year, Peterson set an NFL record for most rushing yards in a game, 296. Along with Peterson as a weapon on the offensive side of the ball, the Vikings defense is a collective weapon, finishing 2007 first in the NFL against the run. The Vikings started 2007 very poorly but finished strong. Can they start strong and make a push for the playoffs for the  first time since 2004? Stay tuned!  

3 NFL Teams Who Can’t Prove Anything in 2008

(1)Miami Dolphins

The Dolphins made the right decision to draft offensive tackle Jake Long with their first selection. The only downside to Long is that he can’t block 5 players from sacking the poor quarterback(still to be determined). It will be interesting to see how the next few years do shape out in Miami with the ‘Big Tuna’ Bill Parcells heading football operations. Maybe tuna with dolphin isn’t such a a bad thing. If their union is a success, expect PETA to get involved.

Boy, doesn't he look happy that he gets to play for the Dolphins?

(2)Atlanta Falcons

The worst decision ever made down in Atlanta was making Joey “Heisman” Harrington their starting quarterback. Their has never been a more frightened pocket passer that I can think of, every time he drops back you can see his eyes screaming “GET ME THE HECK OUT OF HERE!!! WHERE’S MY RUNNING BACK TO DUMP THE BALL OFF TOO?!?!?!” Hopefully rookie QB Matt Ryan can rise to the challenge and dethrone him. Call it “The Curse of Michael Vick,” call it “The Curse of Bobby Petrino,” or call it “The Curse of the Falcons Stink,” whatever it is, the Falcons imminent future is not looking bright.  

(3)Arizona Cardinals

Every team the Cardinals play are what they think they are, which is better than them. (Refer to coach Dennis Green’s post-game press conference after a loss to the Chicago Bears) Cardinals have tried everything to win, they have tweaked their uniforms, they have built a new stadium, they have tried to insert old players that were once great (running back Emmitt Smith and QB Kurt Warner), and they’ve tried playing in Mexico. Simple fact of the matter, the Cardinals have proven every year that they can’t prove anything except that they aren’t good.