Every golf season begins with several weeks of exhibition tournaments. There are basically two types; there are those in Hawaii that make us all envious we had that nice of weather in January and then there are the celebrity pro-ams. Every other sport has a “pre-season,” so it only makes sense that golf would too. It is in mid-February when the competition really starts, and this season it started in a big way with the return of Tiger Woods from his knee injury. Tiger has a special talent, he’s a gifted athlete and he makes people want to watch golf. In an ESPN.com poll, over 50% of the nation that was polled said that they will only watch golf if Tiger is playing. Why is that? Here are five reasons we came up with that may qualify:

Ever wonder why Tiger only wears red on Sundays? To support the Chicago Bulls of course!

(1) Tiger is passionate and fun to watch
(2) Tiger has his own line of Gatorade
(3) Tiger has his own video game franchise (Step off John Madden)
(4) Tiger is married to a super model
(5) Tiger inspires others to play

Although not in our top five, his ethnicity also contributes to his popularity, and anyone that says differently would be Rodriguezing (that’s the new slang for lying). Tiger is in fact less African-American than President Obama, and he’s only 50%!!! Although Tiger is still four behind Jack Nicklaus in Major wins, Tiger has done something Nicklaus did not, and that is he revolutionized golf. Just like Michael Jordan did to basketball, Tiger has made many want to be like Tiger. While you can not play basketball and still respect Jordan’s greatness, you cannot understand Tiger’s greatness unless you have played golf. Although there are many outstanding golfers that have come and gone in the past 100 years, Tiger possesses a major intimidation factor over his opponents. Even though Tiger just came off of knee surgery, we are still surprised he lost in the second round of the Accenture Match Play Championship. The presence of Tiger will usually cause opponents to shrink and not think straight. Much like a football or basketball player needs time to get their legs under them after an injury, Tiger’s loss this week is merely evidence he needs to get his legs under him as well.

Baring any major injury, it is foreseeable that Tiger will get at least four more Major wins and pass Jack Nicklaus. Critics are always out there, and one widely held belief is that golfers now have a huge advantage on players of old. Among the advantages modern players hold is the technology in equipment and the creation of energy drinks and power bars to give them better stamina on the course. Okay, the energy drinks and power bars may have been a rumor we heard, there isn’t much validity to it. The equipment has widely contributed to the length and accuracy that a player can hit a ball. Not to mention, golf balls themselves have come a long way. There are golf balls that can either fly higher, roll longer, feel softer, or bite better. I have the balls that are made to stay short and left, at least that’s how they come off my clubs. If you have ever seen an old golf club you’ll notice how the woods are actually wood and all the shafts are stiff. Nowadays it seems every golfer is hitting a frozen turkey with a flex shaft, which will give the bullwhip effect to the club and make the ball launch off the club face. When all is said and done, you cannot dispute Tiger’s or anyone’s success because of equipment. You might as well say NBA players in the past were at a disadvantage because they didn’t have cool shoes, and their short shorts did not allow for proper circulation down south, which both negatively impacted their performances. One of the great things about golf is that the players compete only against themselves, and the course, there is no subjective judging or outside influences. A player either hits it long and straight or they don’t. Pretty simple, right? While the NBA searched desperately to find another Jordan, golf will be equally as challenged to find another Tiger when he retires. Luckily they shouldn’t have to worry about that for a long time!

The All-Star break is over, which means we’re in the home stretch of the NBA regular season and playoffs seedings start to really take shape. Let’s get on with another report card, academic style!

Ronnie Brewer and the Jazz are on a roll, but it's still yet to be seen if they can continue their momentum on the road.

A – Utah Jazz Hitting Stride - The Utah Jazz have had a roller coaster week since beating the Los Angeles Lakers right before the All-Star break. The Jazz kept the momentum rolling by beating the Boston Celtics this past week, becoming the third team to beat both participants of last year’s Finals. Last Friday, the Jazz’s longtime owner, Larry H. Miller, passed away after fighting courageously to survive type 2 diabetes. Miller was considered by many to be one of the most passionate owners in the NBA, he kept the Jazz in Utah. Fans in Seattle can only hope they had an owner as great as Miller and that they would still have their SuperSonics. The Jazz played an inspired game on Saturday in memory of Miller and beat the New Orleans Hornets. In head-to-head matchups Deron Williams is now 13-2 against Chris Paul. The Jazz, despite losing the most games to player injuries this year, is in the Western Conference playoff hunt and only four games from homecourt advantage in the first round. With Carlos Boozer hopefully coming back from injury this week, the  Jazz will play their first game of the year with their whole starting lineup healthy.

B - Charles Barkley Returns - Charles Barkley made a bonehead mistake last month when he was caught driving under the influence. A lesser known, non-athlete would be sitting in jail right, but the “Mound of Rebound” is back on the set of the NBA on TNT. His T-Mobile commercials are back (thank goodness, those generic ones were doing nothing to help them) and he is apologetic for his act of stupidity. Barkley mentioned on his first show back that he might consider giving up drinking alcohol altogether, if that’s what “professionals” tell him to do. We don’t know what professional would tell Barkley that drinking is fine, but our advise to Barkley is to stop paying “professionals” to be your shoulder angel and listen to us, “Drinking and driving is a no-no.” While we in no way condone Barkely’s actions, we are glad to see him back. He brings a lot of knowledge and personality to the show, the past six weeks without Barkley have been like watching The View without that one white woman…if a name just came to your mind then maybe this website isn’t for you.

C - The Good Ol’ Suns - We don’t know whether to praise the Phoenix Suns or slap them in the face for taking so long to realize that they never had a problem with their offense. Last season, Suns management thought they needed to change their offense so they brought in Shaquille O’Neal and slowed things down. To further enforce their change in philosophy, they hired Terry Porter as head coach and let go the Mike D’Antoni. Then this season they traded Raja Bell and Boris Diaw for Jason Richardson, and fired Terry Porter. With Alvin Gentry at the helm, the Suns averaged 140+ points/game until they lost to the Celtics. With the Celtics loss aside, it was nice to see the good ol’ Suns, it’s just too bad they lost Amar’e Stoudemire for the year and all their key players are closer to retirement than winning a Championship. It doesn’t take a genius to realize their only problem before was that they didn’t play defense.

D – The Trade Deadline - As the NBA trade deadline loomed this past week, there were a lot of rumors swirling around. According to the experts, a lot of teams were talking turkey, big trades were in waiting. When the deadline came and went, all we got was a bunch of over-hyped luncheon meat trades. While there were a few moves, they were nothing like the fire sale we thought was about to happen. With the bad economy (anybody else getting sick of hearing about that?) a lot of teams are in a financial bind, especially the ones in smaller markets. The Los Angeles Clippers, Milwaukee Bucks, and Hornets are among the teams that are losing more money than they make and of them were unsuccessful in shedding a large contract from their team. It would be so much easier if teams could rid themselves of poor performing players by simply putting their torches out, “Survivor” style.

F – Tyson Chandler’s Toe - The Hornets were actually of of the few teams that were successful in shipping off one of their overpaid players, but only for a matter of days. The Hornets traded injury-riddled Tyson Chandler to the Oklahoma City Thunder in a move to simply clear salary cap space. Chandler had been having knee problems, but it was a past problem with his surgically repaired toe that caused him to fail the physical. The Thunder’s team doctor, who said there is a risk Chandler might re-injure his toe, is the one that initially performed the surgery on it a few years ago. You have to wonder what was going through that doctor’s head while examining Chandler’s toe, probably something along the lines of, “Whoops…” In the end, Chandler was shipped back to New Orleans and the trade was rescinded. Chandler must have felt like the kid that gets tossed around from team to team on elementary school playgrounds across the nation, “You take him!” “NO!! YOU TAKE HIM!”

It’s been a couple of weeks since we posted our last rumors, none of which came true, but all of which came from viable sources. While a lot of rumors circling around have made it to national headlines, here are a few you won’t see, at least for a while. Don’t ask where we heard them from, we aren’t going to tell you. All we can tell you is that we may have gotten them from a cousin in the Dominican Republic…

The BCS served McDonalds pie this year with the usual humble pie.

BCS to Extend Invitation to the Mountain West Conference

It seems like every year that an attorney general will sue the BCS. In recent years it has always been Texas, who wouldn’t have to keep suing if their Longhorns would stop choking. This year it’s Utah that is actively protesting the BCS and claiming they have a right to the National Championship. The Utah Utes are part of the Mountain West Conference, which does not get an automatic bid to the BCS. Think of your favorite pie…if you only had one piece would you share it with a peasant kid? Of course not, you’d just give them $1 to go get two McDonalds apple pies. To the big conferences, the Utes and the Mountain West are little snot-nosed kids, why would they share? They won’t, they’ll just give them the dollar (or millions of dollars) and say, “If you are that good and so deserving, then we will see you next year, enjoy your apple pies.” How the tide has turned, the BCS in a moment of financial anorexia have decided to share their pie an extend a automatic berth to the Mountain West next year.

PGA to Hold Global Warming Tournament

So many sports have fund raisers to promote and support various causes. Sometimes in college basketball you will see the coaches in sneakers to support cancer research. This year in particular, every women’s team has pink uniforms and shoes in support of breast cancer research. The PGA has decided to jump on that wagon and hold a tournament to promote awareness of global warming. Thousands of pounds of fake snow will be strewn across the tee boxes and greens on the course. Also, all the players will be requisite to wear eskimo coats and ski masks. Instead of a nice car, a sled with a prize winning team of sled dogs awaits the lucky golfer who gets a hole-in-one. Al Gore has not been invited to the tournament for fear that he will declare he invented golf too.

New Kind of Madness to Invade March

There is only one time of the year that everyone gets excited about basketball, and that is the NCAA’s March Madness. 65 teams battle in a single elimination tournament for the right to be crowned the National Champion. For those teams that don’t make the March Madness Tournament, there is the NIT (National Invitation Tournament). Then there are those teams that weren’t invited to either that sit at home. Following suit of college football, where just about every team with a winning record gets to play in the bowl, college basketball wants to do something similar. Starting next year, it is rumored that college basketball will add one more tournament for the rest of the teams in the country that had a winning record and no invitations to a tournament. They will duke it out in what will be called the “Mediocre Madness Tournament.” Now everyone can get excited to fill out three brackets!!!

In our first twelve NBA report cards, we have focused solely on academic grades. In K-12 schooling there is another side of the report card, the citizenship portion. As we divert from academic grading this week, we will break down the 2009 NBA All-Star Weekend with citizenship grades. As hard as it is to swallow an “F,” sometimes a “Needs Improvement,” or “Unsatisfactory” can be just as difficult to accept. Without further ado, JIB Sports will now hand out our first citizenship report card:

Nate Robinson won the Slam Dunk Contest in style, jumping over Superman himself.

- Excellent – Sprite Slam Dunk Contest – In recent years the Slam Dunk Contest has shifted from an emphasis on the dunk itself. As players have started using more props, the contest has evolved into the entertainment spectacle of the weekend. Last year we saw Dwight Howard, last year’s champion, don a Superman cape and fly through the air (not literally), as well as Gerald Green blow out a cupcake with a lit candle sitting on the back iron of the rim. Last year’s competition revived the event, which was grasping on straws in recent years and had lost it’s luster. Howard once again turned into Superman, but this time he actually brought a phone booth to change in. After changing he dunked on a special hoop that was actually twelve feet tall. Howard followed it up with a poor man’s rendition of Jordan’s dunk when he jumped from the free throw line. Howard started from the other side of the court but lifted off at least a foot inside of the free throw line. Howard’s poor dunk left the door open for little man Nate Robinson, who was the champion two years ago. After making it into the finals, Robinson left the court to make a wardrobe change. He came back dressed in all green, we initially thought he was the Lucky Charms leprechaun. It was then explained that he was “Kryptonate” and won the contest by jumping over Superman Dwight Howard for an amazing dunk. Can’t wait for next year to find out what Kryptonate’s Kyrptonite is…

- Satisfactory – The All-Star Game – As is the same with every year, there are so many festivities before the actual game because the game really isn’t all that great. The poor defense and ball hogging gets a little nauseating after the first quarter, it’s not really basketball. Kobe Bryant took ten shots in the first quarter alone! The best part of this year’s game was Shaquille O’Neal dancing with Jabberwockees as he was introduced, the Canadian national anthem being sung in French was a very close second. It was refreshing to see Kobe and Shaw win the co-MVP, if they can mend a broken relationship then there is hope for all of us. The All-Star game means a lot in MLB because it decides which conference gets home field advantage in the World Series, but the NBA’s game means literally nothing. Although it was much more competitive in the early 90′s, now it is a stage to show off and entertain. On a side note, anybody else see that there was a crop fire on Allen Iverson’s head? We don’t know the specifics, but his cornrows are gone for the first time in at least ten years. Too bad his nasty tats are still there.

Kevin Durant looked happier hoisting the Rookie Challenge MVP than he did hoisting his Barbie horse.

- Needs Improvement – GEICO H.O.R.S.E. Competition – In it’s All-Star Weekend premiere, the H.O.R.S.E. Competition showed some promise, but would benefit greatly from our advice. For those of you unfamiliar with the rules of H.O.R.S.E., we are sorry, save yourself the embarrassment of asking someone the rules and just Google it. While it was extremely comical to see Kevin Durant hoist a Barbie horse as his trophy for winning, the actual competition was too slow moving and a little disappointing. Joe Johnson and O.J. Mayo joined Durant in missing a lot of shots that left a lot of people thinking, “You missed that shot? You are getting paid millions and can’t even make a left-handed layup??” It didn’t help that TNT had commercial breaks throughout the competition, it was perhaps the longest game of H.O.R.S.E. ever. If they keep this event next year, they need to speed it up and invite some retired players to play with current players. Building on the Barbie horse trophy, they need to find one of those mechanical stuffed animal horses large enough that the winner could mount and have them ride into the sunset.

- Unsatisfactory - Haier Shooting Stars Competition – Since it’s first appearance in an All-Star Weekend a few years ago, the Shooting Stars competition has got to be the most boring and uninteresting event ever. The contest is only for NBA franchises that have a WNBA franchise in the same city. Four teams are assembled with a NBA player, a WNBA player, and a former player from that NBA team. The three players combine forces in an “Around the World” fashion, with each of them having to make shots from certain points on the floor. They work from close to the rim at the beginning to a half-court shot to win. The winner is the team that completes all the shots in the shortest amount of time. Although a good idea, why were we subjected to watching WNBA players participate in a NBA event? I’d opt for a form of Chinese body torture than watch Lisa Leslie and the girls miss shots that Gary Coleman could make left-handed while hopping on his right foot. We would however like to congratulate Leslie for successful using a whole tube of lip gloss on her lips, it was both impressive and blinding.

Alex Rodriguez used a banned substance while playing with the Rangers.

I have a friend, we’ll call him Alex to keep his name anonymous. Alex found a new job with a new company in which he was going to be earning more money. Let’s call his company “Rangers.” So Alex is working at Rangers and there is a lot of pressure, he wants to outperform his peers and really solidify himself as one of the best ever in his industry. Alex meets a friend who tells him about a secret potion that will increase his efficiency and of course his salary and leave no doubt that he’s better then his fellow employees. Alex obliges to take the potion and it does just as promised, his efficiency increased and he was able to find a new job paying him more money. We’ll call his new company “Yankees.” Once Alex gets to Yankees he decides that he doesn’t need the extra boost or the extra money anymore, so he quits taking the potion.

Something just doesn’t seem quite right about this story, why would Alex stop taking the potion when he started with Yankees? If you didn’t pick up on the subtle sarcasm, we are talking about Alex Rodriguez and his coming out of the juice closet. A-Rod did not come out on his own for obvious reasons, once you are a known steroids user you might as well walk around with a “Kick Me, I’m a Cheater” sign on your back. Not only that, but A-Rod just signed a rather large contract with the New York Yankees that might not have been offered had the Yankees known about his use of steroids. Actually, that is a bad example, we know the Yankees will sign anyone for insane amounts of money. The Yankees have give pinstripes to Jason Giambi, a known steroids user.

Alex Rodriguez says he's clean since going to New York, but some are now skeptical.

The news about A-Rod testing positive for steroids in 2003 leaked to Sports Illustrated last weekend. In ’03 there were 104 players who tested positive for steroids, A-Rod was one of them. Although the tests were conducted by Major League Baseball, there was no punishment if you tested positive for a banned substance. Several questions have been raised about these tests. First, who are the other 103 players who tested positive? Second, how could MLB commissioner Bud Selig NOT know about these test results? Selig has acted like a parent who is oblivious to what his kids are doing throughout every steroids scandal. Selig’s latest statement on A-Rod is that he “shamed the game.” Oh really Bud? Knowing that players were using banned substances and not having penalties laid out and enforced seems to be just as shameful to me. What Selig is doing is just as shameful as NBA commissioner David Stern sweeping his Tim Donaghy refereeing scandal under the rug and acting like he had no idea such shenanigans were taking place.  

Back to A-Rod, what reason do we have to believe that his steroid use was just during his days with the Texas Rangers? It’s fair to say that the majority of sports athletes are not satisfied with a little when they can have a lot. Why else would a player sign a bigger contract with a bad team? Obviously winning isn’t their number one priority, it’s making money. The question becomes, should we put an asterisk on every player in MLB history that was a known steroids user? Should we blot their names out with white-out and deny them entrance to the Baseball Hall of Fame? It’s pretty fair to say that Sammy Sosa, Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, and Alex Rodriguez will never be voted into the Hall of Fame, but why? These players simply played by the rules set out in front of them. If there was no punishment for taking a banned substance, then why wouldn’t a sleuth of players use them? MLB got themselves into this huge, gaping hole themselves and the first step to digging themselves out of it is to start being honest with themselves and the fans. Oh, and for those of you wondering what happened to my friend Alex, he had an affair with a blonde singer that had a huge gap between her friend teeth, divorced his wife, and never won best company in the industry since starting at Yankees…should have kept taking that potion I guess.

The shift of power is always in full swing this year. First the Boston Celtics went on a huge run, then it was Cleveland Cavaliers, now it’s the Los Angeles Lakers. The Lakers have beaten both the Celtics and Cavaliers on the road this week, handing LeBron and company their first loss at home this year. As we hand out our twelfth report card, we are flattered that NBA.com is taking a page out of our book.

After starting their road trip 5-0, Kobe and the Lakers are now the team to beat.

A -LeBron James and Kobe Bryant at Madison Square Garden - LeBron and Kobe dazzled thousands at Madison Square Garden and handed the New York Knicks two losses. The night after Kobe scored 61 points, LeBron scored 52, and I think people lost sight of which Knicks they put these numbers up against. These aren’t just any Knicks, these are the Mike D’Antoni Knicks. D’Antoni brought his lauded high-scoring offense with him to New York along with his much criticized defense from Phoenix. D’Antoni’s coaching strategy is to outscore the other team and to score within the first seven seconds of holding the ball on offense. Much like how the league’s stars shined against the Phoenix Suns while under D’Antoni, expect a lot more to have their best games against the Knicks as well. Spike Lee is witnessing front row of the best basketball he’s seen in years at the Garden.

B – Kevin “Lanky” Durant - Kevin Durant is one of those good guys that you hope gets to play on a good team sometime in his career. Although Durant looks like a black version of Andrei Kirilenko, he is a high scoring force to be reckoned with. In the first week of February, Durant is averaging over 33 points a game and over 27 on the year. For a team destined to be one of the worst in NBA history, the Oklahoma City Thunder have played .500 basketball in 2009, and Durant has been the staying force leading the way. There are now two teams comfortably behind the Thunder, the Sacramento Kings and the Washington Wizards. Both are two wins behind the Thunder, which doesn’t sound like much unless you consider they each have only eleven wins for the year.

C – Sacramento Kings Retiring Chris Webber’s Number/Jersey – The Sacramento Kings were nothing more than a mediocre team on the path to nowhere when Chris Webber arrived, which explains preferectly his reluctance to join the team when he was traded there in 1998. What happened in Sacramento from 1998-2003 was nothing short of a miracle, as the Kings ascended to be one of the league’s elite teams. With Webber, Vlade Divac, Doug Christie, Peja Stojakovic, and Jason Williams, the Kings came up one game short of reaching the NBA Finals in 2001. It seems odd that the Kings would retire Webber’s number because he only spent six seasons in Sacramento, but those were their glory years and it seems unlikely they will return to those days anytime soon. On a side note, Webber was charged three times with possession of marijuana and cocaine while with the Kings, that should give Michael Phelps some comfort that stupid people who make asanine decisions can still continue to be praised and referred to as heroes.

D - The Los Angeles Lakers Trading for Adam Morrison – It’s easy to see why both Vladimir Radmanovic and Adam Morrison have fallen out of favor with their respective teams, which makes sense why they were swapped. Radmanovic is a lazy liar (refer to his snowboarding accident), Morrison is a bust in the making (refer to his college days at Gonzaga when he let the waterworks flow after a loss). Along with Morrison, the Los Angeles Lakers got Shannon Brown, another young talent that could be good. In the end this made sense to the Lakers for two reasons, it relieves a little bit of their salary cap, and it makes one of their franchises arch nemesisis Michael Jordan look bad. Jordan was the one that picked Morrison ahead of now shining stars Rudy Gay and Brandon Roy.

F – The Phoenix Suns’ Demise – The Suns have made it known that they are actively accepting trade offers for Shaquille O’Neal and Amar’e Stoudamire. How far the Suns have fallen in just the past two years, they were a Robert Horry hipcheck on Steve Nash from the NBA Finals in 2007 and just as close in previous years when Nash was the league’s MVP. With apparent problems in team chemistry, the Suns swapped Shawn Marion for Shaq last year and this year have shipped Boris Diaw and Raja Bell to Charlotte for Jason Richardson. With Nash very visibly on his way out, along with Shaq, the Suns are aware that their opportunity to win a Championship came and went and now they need to start rebuilding. The first step the Suns are eyeing is getting under the luxury tax for next year by unloading a big contract.

Last year was the most watched Super Bowl ever, this year’s Super Bowl between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Arizona Cardinals is simply being touted by many as the most exciting ever. With the exception to Steeler James Harrison’s interception return for a touchdown before halftime, the first 50+ minutes of this game left much to be desired. At the start of the fourth quarter the thought “this is the most boring Super Bowl ever”  entered my mind. I’ll give it the honorary title of Most Exciting Eight Minute Span in Super Bowl History. As we head into the football drought until next fall (because the Pro Bowl is not football, just a free trip to Hawaii for the league’s best players), here are a few things to think about:

WR Santonio Holmes made the toe touching touchdown grab to secure the win for the Steelers.

-What took the Cardinals so long to get Larry Fitzgerald involved? With a little more than eight minutes left in the game, Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner had thrown in Fitzgerald‘s direction once!!! Throughout the game the Cardinals tried so hard to establish the run, but all it did was stall their drives, it was not the run that got them to the Super Bowl. Once Warner started throwing to Fitzgerald, he started making plays. Fitzgerald made six receptions for 115 yards and two touchdowns. I think their was a missing page in the gameplan…

-Did the Steelers label themselves as thugs? In the last five minutes of the game, Ike Taylor and James Harrison  were both assessed unnecessary roughness penalites and were  acting like thugs. Taylor tried to pick a fight with the whole Cardinals bench, for the most part unprovoked. Harrison roughed up Cardinals special teamer Aaron Francisco for no reason at all comletely unprovoked. While Taylor’s action were simply stupid, Harrison’s were worthy of a suspension or at least a fine.

-Is Ben Roethlisberger among the best quarterbacks ever? In Super Bowl XL, Roethlisberger came away with a ring and the worst QB rating in Super Bowl history. After Super Bowl XLIII, Roethlisberger is being mentioned as one of the greatest. Big Ben was amazing in avoiding the rush and making huge throws, but one of the greatest? Perhaps in the Super Bowl, there are a half dozen quarterbacks I’d rather have as my starter ahead of Roethlisberger, and they for sure all have shorter names.

-Was this one of the worst officiated Super Bowls? This was a poorly officiated game, it seemed like there were more yellow flags on the field than terrible towels in the stands. While some will cry bloody murder, the Cardinals gave the game away in the second quarter when Warner threw that now infamous pick six. I didn’t see a ref throw that interception at the goal line, surely didn’t see one miss about nine tackles down the sideline. Referees influence the game, but they don’t decide a winner (except for Ed Hochuli‘s all-time worst botched call this past year).

-Will the Cardinals stay atop the NFC? The Cardinals got hot, it’s that simple. If Warner retires, then so will the Cardinals chances to stay at the level they are playing right now. The Cardinals are a throwing team, and that’s fine, it was when they tried to establish the run that they got in trouble. If the Cardinals lose their passing game then they will lose everything, not to mention their defense breaks just as much as it bends. The Cardinals found themselves in a good position the way their division and the NFC shaked out, and then they took care of business in the Playoffs. It’s a vast understatement to say the Cardinals will find it tough to play in another Super Bowl any time soon.

We are officialy two weeks away from All-Star Weekend, marking the half-way point of the NBA season (even though it’s a couple weeks after many teams’ half-way mark). The fans have spoken and named their starting five for the Eastern and Western Conferences, and the coaches have spoken in naming the reserves. Here’s a rundown of the rosters and our grades for the choices:

Eastern Conference - Dwight Howard, Kevin Garnett, LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, Allen Iverson, Joe Johnson, Jameer Nelson, Danny Granger, Paul Pierce, Chris Bosh, Devin Harris, Rashard Lewis

Western Conference - Yao Ming, Tim Duncan, Amar’e Stoudemire, Kobe Bryant, Chris Paul, Dirk Nowitzki, Shaquille O’Neal, Brandon Roy, Chauncey Billups, Pau Gasol, David West, Tony Parker

Prostituing himself in a crappy home video to get votes paid off for Amar'e Stoudemire.

A - First Time All-Stars - There are several players this year making their first appearance in an All-Star Game, which should be encouraging to fans. Kobe, Duncan, Iverson, and Garnett aren’t going to live forever, so it’s good to see some rising stars (the jury is still out on Dwight Howard, he is the suppossed “Super Man” these days). Devin Harris and Danny Granger have to be the biggest stand-outs. As mentioned last week, Granger has got the size and build to be a tremendous star for years to come. Harris is making Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban second-guess trading him away for Jason Kidd. For as cocky as Cuban is, getting him to second-guess himself is a moral victory for any opponent. Jameer Nelson of the Orlando Magic is also making a first appearance, and will also be his last. You can put that in writing, oh wait, it already is.  

B – Yao Ming’s Swing Votes - We all know that Yao Ming is one of the most dynamic centers in NBA history, he’s a monster with a soft touch. Some call him a gentle big buddha…well, nobody really has but I just did. As long as Yao is in the league he will start in every All-Star Game because he has the backing of over two billion people who love him because he’s their same ethnicity. Yi Jianlian, another one of Yao’s fellow Chineseman, almost made the East’s starting lineup but was narrowly beaten out by Garnett. Yi would have been the first player only averaging 10 points per game to make an All-Star Game, proof that a lot of Chinese people go a long way.

C – Ray Allen’s Snubbing - Ray Allen and Rajon Rondo have been the talk of Beantown this season, they have been the ones to make the big play for the Boston Celtics. Some have even mentioned Allen in MVP talks,  (which should be flattering to Allen but extremely propostorous with the way LeBron and D-Wade are playing) so to hear that Allen was left off the All-Star roster for this year was a snub to say the least. Then again, much like the BCS, there is a snub every year. Teams act like beauty pagaent mothers, they think that their little girl is the winner no matter what anybody else says. Being oblivious does wonders to your self-esteem!

Miami Heat's Dwayne Wade has had an incredible season coming off of an injured maligned season last year.

D - Shaquille O’Neals Location Vote - Shaquille O’Neal was voted in as a reserve for the Western Conference, making this Shaq’s 15th All-Star Game. It happens about every year with the host city, a player from the host city’s franchise will earn an undeserved selection. I guess it’s good for ticket sales, and Shaq is just as bad at free throws this year as he always has been, so at least he has stayed consistent throughout the year. A friend of mine made a good suggestion for an event to be added to All-Star Weekend, The Best Worse Free Throw Contest. Shaq would be in it every year, it would be extremely exciting for the fans to see brick chuckers compete to see who could make the most out of 25 or something like that.

F - Nuggets Owner Reccommending Head Examinations - After hearing that his forward Carmelo Anthony had not made the All-Star roster, Denver Nuggets vice president of player personnel Rex Chapman said, ”If you’re telling me that Carmelo Anthony is not one of the top 12 players in the Western Conference, then I say you need to have your head examined.” Anthony has taken a decreased role for the better of the team, and he has missed several games with injuries so far, but perhaps someone needs to explain how the All-Star game votes work (or should work). Players are selected on their production that year, no doubt the ‘Melo is one of the best when considering all seasons he’s been in the league, but for the first half of this season he has not been.